That’s News to Me


Sunday, March 26

Santiago, Chile––Tens of thousands of people in Chile have taken part in demonstrations against the nation’s controversial privatised pension system. Demonstrators called on the socialist government of Michelle Bachelet to abandon the the system, which is managed by private funds and was first introduced in 1981.

Cairo, Egypt––An Egyptian court has sentenced 56 people to prison over the capsizing of a migrant boat bound for Italy that killed more than 200 people in September. They received sentences of up to 14 years on convictions including murder, manslaughter, and negligence.

Tempe, Arizona––Uber pulled its self-driving cars from the roads after an accident which left one of the vehicles on its side. The car was in self-driving mode at the time of the crash. No one was hurt. The accident occurred when another vehicle “failed to yield” to the Uber car at a left turn.

Cincinnati, Ohio––Gunfire erupted around 1:30 a.m. at Cameo Nightclub. Cincinnati police have yet to make arrests in a nightclub shooting that killed one person and wounded at least 15. The violence started as a dispute between “local men” who were caught up in an argument.


Monday, March 27

Tokyo, Japan––Eight Japanese high school students are feared dead after they were caught in an avalanche at a ski resort near Nasu in Tochigi prefecture. Over 30 people were injured. Rescue efforts were hampered by heavy snowfall.

Moscow, Russia––Thousands of Russians protested against corruption in what appears to be the largest public demonstration in the country in years. Crowds protested government corruption, many calling for Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev’s resignation. The main leader of the anti-corruption movement, Alexei Navalny, was detained.


Tuesday, March 28

Brisbane, Australia––About 25,000 were told to evacuate as a cyclone carrying winds of up to 170 mph moved towards the Queensland coast.Cyclone Debbie has intensified into a Category 4 system and made landfall early on Tuesday.


Pub Safe Blotter

~Eggplant Edition~

Swords: An unprecedented number of women were reported in the Science Building on Saturday morning. The nation’s leading male scientists were called in to study the reason for this phenomenon.

The CS Labs: Officers were called in to investigate after the group Anonymous hacked Chin up this week and released app users’ sensitive data. It was revealed that over 90% of users actually “chin up” themselves.

Kimball: A fight broke out between two students after one refused to tell the other who this year’s spring concert headliner will be. Tensions are running high between concert planning committee members and their friends as concert rumors swirl.

The Science Building: A distressed student called officers after arriving at the third floor science door by the Dinand and Wheeler Hall Parking lot at 8 PM––just as the door locked for the night. The noticeably distraught student refused to walk all the way around to the front, first floor entrance and was escorted by officers after throwing a tantrum.


Categories: News, Uncategorized

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