Cooper Colby ‘29
Inconvenienced Writer
This weekend, a vicious storm tore through campus, leaving Holy Cross President Vincent D. Rougeau’s office flooded with water. Furthermore, the horrible storm ravaged Dinand Library like a maelstrom, leaving the remains of the building flooded “as if I get paid enough to deal with this BS,” complained Rougeau. With President Rougeau demanding an explanation for this callous, catastrophic cataclysm, The Spire arranged a meeting between the college and the storm god Zeus himself. This meeting took place in President Rougeau’s flooded office. President Rougeau and The Spire sent a representative of Holy Cross, Bill E. Jhol, who is forced to work on weekends or else.
Jhol: Zeus, I thought we had a deal that you wouldn’t damage Holy Cross if we let you serve as our Hellenic Society’s guest speaker of the year. You know you just broke our deal.
Zeus: I know this looks bad, Jhol, but when this storm spilled some water into your library, I was jet-skiing with Owen Wilson. I mean, did you seriously expect me to leave him for this inconvenience? It’ll dry up in a few days, months, whatever, in a jiffy! Are you telling me you would rather go to New England for the weather than jet ski with Owen freaking Wilson? He played Lightning McQueen! Hahaha, I love lightning. Wanna see my big lightning bolt?
Jhol: No, stop, we don’t need more chaos, Zeus! What is your plan moving forward?
Zeus: Well… have you ever heard of my law?
Jhol: Zeus’s Law? What does that have to do with anything?
Zeus: Nothing, but it sounded cool when I said it.
Jhol: Anyways, I insist that you fill out this form.
Zeus: Bureaucracy? Why do I have to deal with this crap?
Jhol: You must fill it out because you are liable for the damage caused today, but more importantly, it’s fun! I like to spend my spare time pretending I’m random people filling out this liability form. I’ve filled it out as Robin Williams, Ron Weasley, Billy Joel…
Zeus: Moving on… I’ll sign your form, but I can’t “un-flood” your building.
Jhol: That’s reasonable. I had a feeling you would bolt after this interview. Like a thunderbolt…
Jhol was never seen again after that terrible joke, as Zeus struck him down.
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