Caitlin Wiffler ‘27
Jack-off Champion 2025
After only three weeks back on campus, seniors are already going through existential crises. One senior in particular decided to drop the College of the Holy Cross’s Honors Program to focus on his newfound dream of becoming a DJ. Here’s what the senior, Bobby Chilton, had to say after an Eggplant interview with Correspondent Frank Meddler.
MEDDLER: Why did you leave the program?
CHILTON: The honors program just became too much pressure and too much commitment. I take pride in the fact that I’m incredibly smart, and I’m afraid there were too many people messing with my smartness. One girl thought she knew more about Jack Kerouac than me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’d smoke her in a Jack-off, so I decided to just leave the program altogether.
MEDDLER: Do you regret being in the College Honors Program for the past three years?
CHILTON: No, the honors program gave me all my friends, a rigorous education, and an opportunity to read from and study authors I admire. However, my passion lies elsewhere. Why be surrounded by like minds when I can be surrounded by girls?
MEDDLER: How do you open your DJ sets?
CHILTON: My name is Bobby Chilton, I was valedictorian of my high school, I published a thesis last semester on pediatric oncology, and this is the NOTION Remix of ‘The Days’ by Chrystal.
MEDDLER: You mentioned you were Pre-Med. Has that dream changed now that you’ve found DJing?
CHILTON: Yeah, I planned to go to Johns Hopkins for med school. I got in. Yes, on a scholarship. Why does that matter? I’m a DJ now.
MEDDLER: So your plan is to become a DJ full-time?
CHILTON: Well, when the universe provides a path to your week-long passion, do you take the route of your lifelong passion or do you take the risk that you may become Tampa, Florida’s thirteenth-best DJ? I think I’ve made the right decision.
MEDDLER: Do you think you’ll ever go to med school in the future?
CHILTON: I have yet to dedicate time to think about how I feel about that. I’m busy. After being at the top of my class for many years, I deserve to have some fun.
Copy Edited by Claire Flynn
Featured image courtesy of Envato
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