Kathryn Pellicotte ‘29
Irish Poet
“Your feet will bring you where your heart is” – Irish Proverb
In honor of the upcoming holiday on March 17, Holy Cross has put out a survey in order to see the true percentage of Irish heritage on campus. However, as St. Patrick’s Day draws nearer, students seem to have been caught up by the jolly Irish spirit – a spirit that has transformed into the impersonation of Irish ancestry. The results of the survey revealed that 99.9% of the student body identify as Irish; a staggering statistic that is both outstanding and entirely false.
The so-called “hot-temper or Irish fire” has been ignited in many members of the student body as they feel their culture has been reduced and enveloped by the holiday. “My heritage is not a joke!” said senior Patrick Shamus Finnigan O’McPadden. “St. Patrick’s Day is a sacred day,” he exclaimed, clutching a book of Irish Proverbs to his chest and growing extremely red in the face.
In response to the wannabe impersonators, small student protest groups have formed bearing pitchforks and large signs donning the words, “Our culture is not your costume!!” At first, the College viewed these demonstrations as an extreme response to what seemed like a harmless problem, but when large groups of students began dressing as leprechauns, dying their hair red, and loudly asking their friends if they “fancy a pint,” the school decided to take action.
A statement was released with emphasis on the importance of showing cultural propriety and respecting individual heritage. In addition to this pledge to right all cultural indelicacies, the College has released another 30-minute survey inquiring about the student body’s mental health in the wake of this Irish hullabaloo. Unsurprisingly, the survey is required, but thankfully, anonymous.
Perhaps the College went about this whole thing utterly backwards or “arseways.” Is it really so wrong for a few students to desire to become honorary paddies for a day? Besides, there are far worse things a person could do, such as identity theft or cultural misrepresentation. Surely, this whole misunderstanding could be viewed as a sort of compliment to the Irish community. After all, it is the Irish who put the fun in fun times and the luck and charm in Lucky Charms cereal. Heck, I do not have a lick of Irish blood in my body, but that’s enough to convince me to pretend I do for a day! From all of us on Team Eggplant, we hope your St. Paddy’s Day is joyful, jolly, and green!
Featured image courtesy of Farmers’ Almanac
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