Charlotte MacQuattie ’28
Cupid’s unpaid intern
Ah, Valentine’s Day. A time for chocolates, rom-coms, and praying to God you marry rich because this whole “political science” thing might not work out for you. As the day of love
approaches and brunch reservations fill up faster than econ electives, Crusaders seeking a romantic date spot find themselves in a crunch. But fear not! Our lovely campus has plenty of
places perfect for you and your valentine. As the real Holy Cross cupid, here are my top date
spots on campus.
1. Cool Beans: A classic first date and rite of passage for many a Crusader. Also a rite of
passage: wondering if that special someone asked you here for a casual
coffee-and-study or if you should book the chapel. Pros: central location, cheap if you’re
using someone else’s dining dollars, and you can be rescued easily if you’re twenty
minutes in and they haven’t stopped talking about their “life-changing semester” in Italia.
Cons: all your friends will show up and take pictures of you to spam the group chat with.
2. The Pigeon Lab: Doves are romantic. Doves are in the same family as pigeons. By the
transitive property, the psychology department’s pigeon lab is the perfect spot for a
Valentine’s date. Sure, you might become part of the experiments and there’s a lab
assistant who yells “I AM THE PIGEON MASTER” every few hours, but where else can
you get both privacy and pigeonry? Pros: private, perfect chance to impress your date
with all of your avian knowledge. Cons: you might get coo-ties. (I’m sorry)
3. Off-campus house: Make P.A.R.T.I.E.S. (Post-Academic Recreational Time Impromptu Educational Sessions) all about you by slow dancing to Pitbull in the middle of the room. Who needs candles and wine when you can have LED strips and “lemonade”. Pros:
unique, romantic. Cons: off-campus, not your house, can you even name five brothers?
4. The Exorcism Room: I remember my first time in the exorcism room like it was
yesterday. There I was, floating two feet off the floor and screaming about the devil as a
fleet of priests threw holy water at me and yelled “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS
YOU!” On that crisp autumn night, I thought of how sweet it would be to have a nice
picnic up there with the view of the Worcester skyline, the spirit of Satan, and that
special someone. Pros: unique, private, plenty of holy water. Cons: the devil may try to
take your soul and/or challenge you to a fiddle-playing competition.
5. Hockey game: Nothing says romance like men fighting and the looming threat of losing your front teeth to a stray puck. Be warned that real hockey is nothing like Heated
Rivalry and your 9-year situationship will not be coming to the cottage. Pros: exciting!
Cons: you’ll get laughed at for asking when ‘halftime’ is.
6. The Spire office: A lesser known spot, but this place has everything: white boards, paper, and a five-foot tall sentient eggplant that tells me what articles to write and that I should
invest in gold. Pros: get there on formatting day and you can give the Eggplant all the
cover stories! Cons: the editors won’t give me the new room code after I went in on
editing day and replaced all the photos with Nicolas Cage. So much for “freedom of the
press”.
To all the Holy Cross couples, Happy Valentine’s Day. And to all my singles out there, hit me up. Go Cross go!
Featured image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Copy Edited by Sophia Mariani ’26
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