Charlotte MacQuattie ’28
Waiting on my check from Polar Seltzer
The Crusaders have had a promising start to the hockey season: with a number of home wins and a seemingly endless supply of local children to do the 6-7 thing at the rink cameras, they’re on the road to NCAA glory. Though they’re optimistic, the head coaches will stop at nothing to ensure victory for Holy Cross this year. So in a partnership with Polar Seltzer and the Southwick Zoo, Holy Cross Hockey has recruited a polar bear. You may be wondering, “why the hell did they do that”. And to that the coaches say: why the hell not. Sure, they’re a critically endangered species, but whatevs. The bear, creatively named Snowball, has been warmly welcomed by both teams. “Snowball is the sweetest,” says junior Anna Arendelle. “The only thing we’re scared of is Coach Kristoffersen when we get all the way to Maine and realize we forgot our skates.”
Snowball has surely proven himself on the ice. In a highly anticipated game against Bentley, not one player got even close to him, allowing the Crusaders to win a shocking 87-0. For the past three games, Holy Cross hasn’t even put a goalie out. “Do I miss playing? Definitely.” says women’s goalie Elsa Berger. “But with all my free time, I’ve learned to crochet. I made everybody on the team their own little Snowball and now I’m working on holiday sweaters!” At the last home game, I noticed men’s goalie Hans Sendwich wasn’t watching from the bench as usual. Being the investigative journalist I am and also nosy, I slipped away from the game after Snowball charged at UMaine’s defense. Out in the hallway, I spotted Hans Sendwich on his phone watching– no, it can’t be! Is that what I think it is? He hid his phone as soon as he saw me. “It’s not what it looks like!” He insisted. “Is that… basketball?” I asked in horror. Shamefully, he nodded. “Basketball is my true passion. I never wanted to play hockey, but what choice did I have? I’m Canadian for God’s sake!” Poor Hans. If only he’d been born in the land of the free: Springfield, Massachusetts.
Snowball has inspired Holy Cross’s other teams to expand their numbers. Rumor has it that soccer is recruiting a kangaroo, cross country has hired a cheetah, and basketball is getting the dog from Air Bud. Go Cross go!
Polar bear image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Rink image courtesy of Holy Cross Athletics
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