Tim Elder ’28
Staff Writer
It’s that time of the year again where enrollment is beginning and students are prowling through STAR to create the schedule of their dreams. No 8 a.m.s and only one class on Friday, it is truly a euphoric experience for all students alike. Beneath this joy however lies the familiar dread that they probably won’t get into a single one of their carefully chosen classes. It seems for some that this dread has quickly become a reality.
A local and definitely real first year student recently attended their mandatory meeting with their academic advisor where they learned that they are “Wildly behind schedule,” because why wouldn’t they be! The student, who was justifiably perplexed, asked how could this be, saying, “I just got here.” The advisor in response to this was perplexed himself, because he believed it was campus policy for all students to feel that they are always and will forever be “behind schedule.” The advisor, noticing the panic that was setting in, told the student not to worry as he is projected to graduate with his double major by 2037 as long as he takes five classes per semester!
It was at this point where the student was about ready to pass out. The student who was then grasping at the straws of life asked, “I’ll at least get into all the classes I want to get into, right?” The advisor then subsequently burst out laughing as the student will be lucky to just get one of the many classes in their STAR backpack.
“There is simply no way you meet the reserve requirements for all these classes,” the advisor said.
The student, not knowing what this meant yet, was told to “just wait and see.” The student did ask however, “What are the reserved requirements?” to which his advisor replied, “nobody knows and nobody will ever know.”
Unfortunately for the student their existential dread does not help them meet the reserve requirements.
It sure seems that this student is in for a treat! Nonetheless, enrollment continues to surprise everyone as it seems that it truly can get worse each semester. Good luck everyone!
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
Copy Edited by Lauren Zerella ’29
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