Piper Guiney ‘28
Chief Eggplant Editor
Welcome back from fall break Crusaders! As many students return to the hill, they can’t help but slip all the way down because, if you’re Helen Keller and can’t see or hear and haven’t noticed, it’s been raining. I, like many other students, thought this was just typical rain. I mean it fell from the sky and was water, that’s about the only criteria. However, when I cared to investigate a bit more, I noticed something. After collecting the rain water to use as drinking water (how could you blame me, the Lehy water isn’t exactly drinkable, no matter how many times I pour it though my Brita.) Anywhom, after I filled up my HydroStanleyOwalaFlask, and took my first sip of water this school year, I was quickly taken aback. Like my dad when I mentioned his receding hairline, it was SALTY (boom, roasted.) Now, I’m no super science tree hugging nerd, but the last time I stuck my tongue out in the rain, it was not salty (it was, unfortunately, acid rain, hence my missing tongue.) It was then realized, this wasn’t rain. Rather than raining pennies from heaven, it was raining tears. And I knew who was the culprit. And so, I decided to write him a letter asking if he was ok, or at least needed some tissues. I have attached said letter:
Are you there God? Its me, Piper,
How ya doin buddy? I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling a bit blue, leading us down here to feel a bit damp. What’s been on your mind?
Best,
Piper Guiney
Here was his response:
Hello Piper,
OMG girl thank you for writing things have literally been insane like what even is ts. Ok so basically f my big chungus life because i have like three midterms this week and no cap im going to fail all of them like talk about losing aura points im so cooked. But like I’m actually going to crash out cause my professor is like the CEO of being a jerk and like so chopped and I was so delulu thinking I could get away with not studying because I’m in my party era (so expect some snow) and like studying is the lion doubting his ability, girl math. Anyway I emailed my prof asking for help and he didn’t respond. Like chat, am I muted? Whatever i dont even give a gaf anymore. Anyway thanks for reaching out again girlie youre the GOAT! 67.
XOXO,
Godsip Girl
Ultimately, it seems that God is going to be ok and hopefully the rain will subside after his theology midterm!
Featured image courtesy of iStock
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