Charlotte MacQuattie ‘28
Still Doesn’t Know Where to Put Recycling
Holy Cross was busy this summer “improving” campus. Food prices across campus have increased, Kimball is becoming Evil Disney World with that weird turnstile thing, more and more freshmen are being forced into triples in double-sized rooms, and I still can’t find my way around O’Neil. But the least popular change of all came as the biggest shock. As the Crusaders returned to campus, yelling at their poor parents for packing that iron that I’m literally never going to use mom! I don’t even iron at home! I don’t have an ironing board! No don’t tell me you packed the ironing board mom oh my god I don’t have space mom.
As the Crusaders returned to campus and sought to throw away their packing materials and Shein bags, they made a shocking discovery. At the end of the hall where the trash and recycling cans once stood was now a bare floor. Gone were the overflowing bins. Gone were the signs for what can be recycled that nobody ever read. Now, the walls bear posters of dumpsters, courtesy of our ambivalent gods at Reslife. Many students have expressed their concerns and complaints over the new policy, “I’ve never had to take out my own trash before,” says freshman William Prior-Luth. “That’s the maid’s job.” Others have embraced the change, “I like taking out the trash. It gives me a break from my septuple. I need a break. I share a double with six other people. How is that even safe?” says a freshman who chose to remain anonymous, lest Reslife send her yet another roommate. But no one has been more excited about this new dumpster policy than Mount Saint James’ raccoons. “This has been huge for the raccoon community,” says Rigby, a raccoon living in the walls of Brooks. “Last year, we had to scavenge for food outside Kimball, and that was a real hazard. There is nothing edible in those compost bins.” This year, the raccoons have a buffet right outside their doors, courtesy of students who don’t know how to get a bag into a dumpster. “There’s so many options now! Taco Bell, Chick-fil-A, Dominos. We’d be lucky last year to find a forgotten DoorDash order.” I asked Rigby if he was the one to take my Wendy’s during finals in May, but he denied his involvement. “Only a real big back like the Holy Skunk would do that. He’s giving the rest of us a bad rep.” Facilities have tried their best to make the dumpsters critter-free. But keeping raccoons from trash is like keeping college students from D.A.R.T.I.E.S. (During Academic Recreational Time Impromptu Educational Sessions, of course)****. Desperate, our Reslife overlords have resorted to hiring the hockey goalies to guard the dumpsters. “It’s great practice”, says women’s hockey star Jayne Schmetzky. “The raccoons are just as clever as BC’s team.” The success of this strategy is yet to be seen though, as rogue raccoons from the Wheeler bushes have been seen practicing evasive maneuvers at the Hart. Here’s hoping the
NCAA gets more lenient on the definition of “student athlete” in time for hockey season. Go Cross go! **** (Alternatively if I can’t say darties) like keeping college students from free food trucks. Desperate, our Reslife…
Featured image courtesy of NBC Los Angeles
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