Mack Hughes ’25
Finally got some peace and quiet around here
While the rest of the student body was beaching it up in The Bahamas and having fun in Florida, I was getting up to solo shenanigans here on campus. Abandoned, isolated, deserted, my hijinx on the hill were for the most part, genuinely harmless. Replacing my roommate’s medication with Tic Tacs, filling her shampoo bottle with hair removal, shrinking every item of clothing from her closet. You know, traditional tomfoolery. When I got bored of that naive nonsense, I had to find some other ways to fill my time… *cue totally-non-menacing laugh.* One thing I did was release anaconda snakes into the air vents in Hogan. I can’t wait to see the look on someone’s face when the vicious predator falls on them while waiting for a burrito bowl. HA! Next, I superglued all of my roommate’s stuff to her desk. But then I thought to myself how innocent goofs like that are so played out, so I also supercharged all of her outlets. She’ll be in for quite the SHOCK the next time she tries to plug in her hair straightener. Once I got through with that, I hacked into STAR’s mainframe and erased all of the senior transcripts from the face of the earth. If I’m graduating without a job lined up, so are the rest of us! My monkey business is all about keeping it lighthearted, just to reiterate. Giggles are my goals, and I’m not trying to make anyone feel upset. Although, it turns out that when all your friends are gone and you have time to reflect on every single thing that’s ever happened to you, it turns out that grievances seem very hard to ignore. So, I channeled my loneliness into aggression and started to do some real damage, and knock it off with that childish snake business. Thus I started to put sticky notes. All. Over. My. Roommates. Bed. HAHA. That’ll make her think twice about ever trying to eat my leftover Annie’s Shells & White Cheddar ever again. Upon some contemplation, I think I made very good use of my free time here on campus over spring break.
PSA: This article is very much in the spirit of leprechaun mischief, and therefore must not under any circumstance be taken seriously. Except for the snakes. I wasn’t kidding about those.
Copy Edited by Lily Wasmund ’28
Featured image courtesy of College of the Holy Cross
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