Patrick Ryan ’27
Has a Pay-or-Play Contract
According to a statement released by Warner Brothers last week, comedian Yakko Warner has indefinitely stopped performing his “Yakko’s World Song.” Warner, who has been on a solo tour since the end of the Animaniacs revival series, reportedly suffered some sort of breakdown on stage, causing his performance to be prematurely canceled.
As described by eyewitness testimonies, Warner started the song just fine, leaping around the stage with his typical jaunty demeanor and donning his iconic cap. Warner began belting out the memorable lyrics “United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama,” but then abruptly stopped and remained frozen on stage. The audience, confused to see the beloved cartoon character who would once blabber on end now be at a loss for words, was completely stunned. Slowly, the crowd began consoling Warner, and encouraged him to restart the song from the top.
Warner collected himself, apologized to the audience, and then restarted the song. “United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru! Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean Greenland– You know what I can’t do this anymore! I just don’t feel comfortable singing about countries that the United States may conquer soon! It feels wrong! And don’t even get me started on Ukraine!” Warner then chucked his microphone into the crowd, tore his cap in half, and stormed off the stage. Our sources tried to reach out to Mr. Warner for a comment, but during the interview he stealthily replaced our oblivious journalist’s cigarette with an “ACME” labeled stick of dynamite, causing him to promptly explode.
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
Copy Edited by Annamaria DeCamp ’27
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