Patrick Ryan ’27
Victim of a Bizarre Gardening Accident
Dozens of partygoers were spared last Friday when the entire party elapsed without a single person picking up the acoustic guitar leaning against the wall. The guitar in question belonged to junior David Hubbins, a music major who has been described as the “artsy” type. At many past social gatherings, Hubbins would routinely subject his roommate’s friends to softly strummed Em chords, seemingly erratic fingerpicking, and the first fifteen seconds of “Stairway to Heaven.” However, now that Hubbins was currently studying abroad in Salisbury Plain, visitors hoped to have a pleasant experience devoid of any cringe-inducing guitar fiddling.
Unfortunately, the tranquility of the party became threatened when Hubbin’s friend and bandmate Nigel Tufnel, who had reportedly not been invited by anyone, suddenly entered the room. Tufnel greeted those at the party, though it was obvious that he was looking around the room, trying to find something. To the dismay of every single guest, Tufnel began to meander his way through the room, approaching the wall on which the wretched instrument was resting. Thankfully, at the last second, one heroic attendee tossed a blanket over the guitar and leaned their body against the wall, blocking it from Tufnel’s view. Tufnel searched the closet, the bathroom, and between the couch cushions, but ultimately left after not being able to find the guitar. According to eyewitness accounts, there was a collective sigh of relief as Tufnel shut the door behind him.
Reactions to the incident were mixed. “I feel a sense of survivor’s guilt, y’know?” articulated junior Claire Dunphy. “Like yeah, I got lucky–but what about all those people in the past who had to endure a half-baked ‘Hey There Delilah?’ Or even worse, those who were forced to listen to a ‘Wonderwall’ performance with a crappy Liam Gallagher impression? Jesus, I just got a shiver down my spine.” Others, like senior Derek Smalls, had a more positive outlook on the situation. “Sure, David and Nigel can be a bit–difficult–at social gatherings now and then,” Smalls explained. “But I think their band is still pretty solid!” (It should be noted that Smalls is the bassist in Hubbins and Tufnels band). Our journalists attempted to reach the duo for a comment, but they were apparently too busy working on a “metal-reggae-vaporwave -sci-fi-Asian-fusion” project.
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
Copy Edited by Yana Giannoutsos ’28
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