Patrick Ryan ’27
Funnier than Drew Carey but Less Classy than Bob Barker
Welcome to the hottest new game show currently sweeping the nation, The Price is Right: Lobby Shop Edition! Based on the classic hit TV show, this spinoff looks to add a collegiate twist to the beloved original and will be hosted by none other than yours truly! Filmed in front of a live audience inside the Luth Concert Hall, Holy Cross Crusaders will be tested on their knowledge of common Lobby Shop item prices while audiences will see what a college education is really worth. Without further ado, let’s get this show started! We need four students to bid on our first item. Henry Wu, Ellie Sattler, John Shade, and Harper Lee, come on down! You’re our first contestants!
*ensuing music*
Alright, everyone, let’s get this show on the road and bring out our first item. What do you have for us, Jim? “Well Patrick, today’s first item is a snack close to many students’ hearts. It’ll make you smile and smile right back, it’s a six-ounce bag of Goldfish Crackers!” Fantastic, Jim I simply love those. Alright, contestants remember the rules—you have to bid as close to the actual price without going over. Henry, why don’t you go first? “$2.50 Patrick.” Good guess Henry. Ellie? “I’m thinking $2.25 Patrick.” Ok, ok, respectable estimates everyone. What about you John? “Three bucks for sure Patrick.” Nice, nice, Harper you have the final guess. “Three bucks and one cent.” Ah. Very creative there, Harper. Ok, let’s see the real price! The six-ounce bag of Goldfish Crackers is eight- EIGHT FIFTY? Jim, do I have the right card? Are you sure? Wow, well in that case all of you were way off! Jeez, I didn’t realize inflation hit the College that hard. Well Harper, I guess you’re the closest so you get to advance to the next round! “Yipee!” Ok, Harper the next game you’re going to be playing is Multiplier. The rules are simple- I am going to give you a Lobby Shop item and a dollar amount, and you’ll have to guess the number of that item it’ll take to add up to the given number. For this round, your item is… a pack of spearmint gum! And your dollar amount is $10.50. Ok, Harper, how many packs of gum will it take to add up to $10.50? “Well Patrick I’m honestly leaning between seven or eight- I mean gum can’t be that much can it? Ok, I’m going to go with eight!” Wonderful Harper, good choice- now let’s see the answer. T-t-two. I can’t believe it. Surely there must be a mistake. A single pack of gum costs $5.25? That’s it, we’re canceling the show. We need sticker prices in that store so help me god. Forget the Showcase, it would bankrupt the entire studio. Anyways, help control the pet population, and have your pets spayed or neutered. Goodnight everybody!
Featured image courtesy of Patrick Ryan ’27
Copy Edited by Lily Wasmund ’28
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