Ben Lepper ’25
Wannabe Insider
The Spire Sports has obtained a statement from the Holy Cross Football team’s management, which will be released on Monday, April 1, 2024. Am I overstepping boundaries by leaking this entirely-real document? Yeah. Has that ever stopped me before? Absolutely not. Journalistic integrity is for schmucks.
The 57-page long statement features mindless drivel and words too big for my smooth brain to understand. But, one thing is clear: The Crusaders are not very happy with the James Madison Dukes.
The cause of the anger clearly comes from the Dukes’ hiring of former head coach Bob Chesney. Strangely enough, it is mentioned that the entire Holy Cross community is proud of Chesney for advancing his career to the FBS level, and also that the entire organization has great faith in the new coaching staff and roster. It appears that the team’s gripe lies not with Chesney leaving, but rather him suiting up in a different shade of purple. The statement argues that “James Madison University, which was founded 62 years after us in 1908, is infringing on Holy Cross’ long-standing copyright of the color purple, and seeing our golden boy wearing purple for a different team is too much for us.” A quick Google search shows that no such copyright exists.
Another major cause of anger is the mass exodus of graduating players who ended up transferring to JMU for a graduate season. Completely disregarding the fact the Holy Cross does not have a graduate program and therefore cannot accommodate any non-COVID fifth year students, the statement similarly claims that “seeing our former Crusaders wear purple for any other program hurts our feelings.” The statement also mentions that “having several of our former stars on their roster gives them an unfair competitive edge over us.” The Crusaders have never played JMU, and they likely never will, making this entire point invalid.
The statement then details their next course of action: imposing sanctions on James Madison University. However, no actual sanctions are referenced in the statement. Instead it just says that “Holy Cross is now imposing sanctions on JMU,” taking a page out of Michael Scott’s book in his declaration of bankruptcy.
I covertly reached out to a team representative for some insight on the specific sanctions being imposed, and to my surprise, they had no further information. “Honestly, we didn’t even really know what that meant,” said the representative. “It just sounded serious. You’re not taking that document seriously, right? And how did you get into my house?” A magician never reveals his secrets.
I then reached out to several sources at JMU for a possible reaction, but got no responses. Well, actually, I did get responses. A source in the athletic office told me to “stop calling repeatedly or the authorities will be notified.” A fanpage on Twitter (or X, if you’re one of the weirdos who actually calls it that) told me to “shut the [censored] up little boy.” I then got a message back five minutes later saying “I have your address.” Overall, nobody was willing to help me. That so-called “Southern Hospitality” was nowhere to be seen in my quest for knowledge.
I tried one more thing to get more information on this potential bombshell: calling former Massachusetts Governor and current NCAA president Charlie Baker. However, he would not answer my calls. As a lifelong Massachusetts resident and personal huge fan of his, I was disappointed that a so-called public servant would not speak with me, the next Adam Schefter, about a very real issue that impacts the best college football program in Massachusetts (friendly reminder that BC would have lost without a phantom weather delay).
Thus, I have no more information. I guess we will have to wait until April 1, when the document will be officially released and more information on these sanctions will become available. Wait, isn’t that some kind of holiday?
Copy Edited by Sabine Hinkaty
Featured Image Courtesy of Spectrum News
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