Caitlin Wiffler ’27
Has thousands of dollars of debt from parking fines
With Spring Break’s arrival and Easter Break coming up, more and more students are looking to gain access to a temporary parking pass on campus. However, it is not as easy as it may seem to snag a pass. Every day, a student’s excuse gets turned down. If you or a loved one has been struggling to get a parking pass, here is a list of excuses that have proven to work.
Excuses that will guarantee you a temporary parking pass:
- “I need to slay a dragon at 3:30 on Tuesday as part of my Community-Based Learning.”
- “I have an audition to join the Harlem Globetrotters, so I need to leave campus early that day.”
- “I need to take my pet iguana, Abe, to yoga classes every Monday.”
- “I have to leave early to attend a rock-paper-scissors competition. It’s the national championship!”
- “I need a car on campus because I just sold my collection of garden gnomes, and need a way to transport them.”
- “I have been recruited to become the official chauffeur of Tomo.”
- “It is imperative that I attend the Marshmallow Roasting Gala. It is an event where people gather far and wide to roast marshmallows.”
- “I have been asked to join a super top-secret group that meets at the DCU Center every Thursday to discuss very real and very important issues. That is all I can disclose at this time.”
- “David Byrne called me and said that he needs someone to pick him up from the airport on Friday.”
- “I’m going to a U2 concert on Friday.”
Copyedited by Sophia Mariani
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