Patrick Ryan ’27
Put up your dukes!
In the modern age of political discourse, it seems impossible for two people of opposing viewpoints to have a respectful and productive discussion. Increased partisanship, ideological polarization, and rampant misinformation have all corroded one of the greatest aspects of the American Experiment: a good old sitting down and talking it out. Luckily, there are still a few places in the country where this precious activity is preserved, one of them being Holy Cross. Per students “expressing a desire to engage in respectful dialogue on difficult topics with students whose opinions differ from yours,” the College has launched Dialogue Dinners, an environment where students are able to listen to (and share their own) ideas over a meal. The event is not without a litany of rules, of course. Students are asked to “respect time limits, speak thoughtfully, and to hold back from debating,” a lofty task for college students. This gap between expectations and reality was unfortunately demonstrated at yesterday’s dinner. The topic? Only the most quintessential, controversial debate topic in the history of mankind – “is a hotdog a sandwich?”
The conversation started relatively tame. Sophomore Eric Warner began by providing the definition of a sandwich as offered by Merriam-Webster, saying that “a sandwich is two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between.” Warner reasoned that since a hotdog fulfilled this description, it must be a sandwich. Senior Lisa Cook quickly disagreed, asserting that if the dictionary definition of a sandwich was used, then Oreos would qualify as sandwiches too. The room shook their heads in disagreement. Oreos as sandwiches? What a preposterous claim. The conversation took a dark turn when first-year Stan Quinn spoke up. “Uh, I hate to be the one to say it, but aren’t hotdogs technically a taco?”
A hush fell over the room. The piano player, who had been serenading the room with classical music up until Quinn’s comment, suddenly stopped, and turned around on his bench with an eerie squeak. If someone were to have a pin (for whatever reason) and drop it, it would definitely be heard. Action abruptly filled the room. Cook lept toward Quinn, yanking his sweatshirt over his head like an NHL player “jerseying” another. Warner grabbed the nearest empty glass and smashed it over Cook’s head, but soon crumpled to a chair shattering across his back. Shattering glass, splintering wood, and even a student swinging from the chandelier, dominated the next ten minutes. After the carnage ended, only one student was conscious for an interview. With a labored breath, Stan Quinn croaked out, “I can’t wait for next week’s meeting.”
Copy edited by Emily McHugh
Featured Image Courtesy of Patrick Ryan ´27
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