Jane Connelly ‘27
Staff Writer
Holy Cross presently faces a host of lawsuits after that train wreck of a Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony this past Thursday. One unidentified plaintiff (freshman) sued for the distress they experienced during the ceremony. “I had been looking forward to this event since the day began. The tree lighting ceremony would be the only time I could step outside of the Dinand doors the whole day.” To the student body’s utter shock and dismay, the one tree that should have been lit up was not. As if to make up for the fact that the large tree was completely neglected, the event showcased the lighting of two miniscule trees. For clarification, the composite height of the two small trees is in fact not equivalent to the height of the tree in question.
The event has been described by some as an “epic fail.” Reports of alleged heart attacks and fainting due to extreme disappointment threaten to end the tradition entirely. “Nobody warned me of the harsh reality that was to come,” the plaintiff continued. Enraged students continue to call for the cancellation of finals as reparation. In fighting for this noble cause, one student profoundly claimed: “We don’t want your money. We just want our lives back.”
Amidst the controversy of it all, animal rights activists banded with envious students stuck in the library to sue the school for adding horse and carriage rides to the yearly tradition. They filed suit against the horses on counts of animal cruelty and “detrimental emotional injury.” During the subsequent trial, one student’s visibly distraught mother reportedly testified: “Where were the poor horses’ winter coats? How do you think that makes us feel?” Students plan to hold a protest in the coming days to voice their demands. Cancellation of finals due to the recent upheaval is to be determined in the next week.
Featured image courtesy of Zoe Noonan ’27
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