‘

Mackenzie Hughes ‘25

Has anyone seen a blue hydro flask in Dinand?

Here I shall outline a list of conditions under which you left your water bottle and whether or not you can expect to get it back. 

In the cup holder of a treadmill at the gym.

Can you get it back? Theoretically, but you’ll have to wait until that guy finishes his run (he’s sprinting, and it’s not looking like he’s gonna stop for while) 

On an airplane, rolled under two seats.

Can you get it back? It’s in Minnesota now and has an entirely new identity now, eh.

At your ex’s house.

Can you get it back? He’s currently sipping pre-workout from it  . . . retrieve at your own risk.

In the backseat of your car. 

Can you get it back? Sure. It’s next to the umbrella you keep “for emergencies.”

In a nightmare in which you were being chased by the Kool-Aid Man.

Can you get it back? Oh, yeah. 

In a nightmare in which you were being chased by a mermaid from through the Great Barrier Reef.

Can you get it back? Oh, naur. 

In an alternate life you failed to manifest.

Can you get it back? Not with that attitude! 

In the scene where Mr. Darcy professes his love to Elizabeth.

Can you get it back? Most ardently. 

Somewhere you can’t remember, on a day when it really, really needed you.

Can you get it back? No, it’s abandoned all trust in you.

In the care of Coach Taylor

Can you get it back? Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose your water bottle again.  

In Kimball. 

Can you get it back? Kathy probably took it home.

Featured image courtesy of Shanil Perez ’24 and Dreamtime