By Michael O’Brien ‘23

God’s Favorite Child

It’s in the name; the College of the Holy Cross is a CATHOLIC institution. This is a fact, and nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard some people may try to erase this identity from campus. This also applies to our hallowed mascot, The Crusader. While the image of a courageous knight may have been wrongfully removed from campus life, I have decided to “carry the yoke” (Matthew 11:29-30) of the Crusades to ensure that Holy Cross will always remain a beacon of light for all to see.

While some events such as the “drag shows” put on around campus soil our Catholic name (which our future glorious leader of the republic Ron DeSantis so justly wants to do away with), people may not realize that there are plenty of other organizations at Holy Cross that push anti-Catholic values on members of the community. Therefore, I am writing an open letter for all of Holy Cross to see: the following clubs must be abolished in the name of God.

I would first like to call out the mock trial team. Who are you to judge who is innocent and who is guilty? This action is for the Messiah alone; if you may recall, Jesus alone will “judge the living and the dead at his appearing” (2 Timothy 4:1). If anyone on the mock trial team can claim to be the living flesh of God, I’d sure like to see it. These simulated criminal cases make a literal mockery of the one and true judge of all people; Yaweh. While we’re at it, Aaron Judge, if you’re reading this, get that last name changed if you claim to be a Christian man. Just because you hit 62 home runs doesn’t mean you’re all that.

The next organization spreading anti-Catholic values is The Purple Key Society. I pretty much have no idea what they do besides organizing the 100 Days Ball and the lighting of the Christmas tree; which is a thinly veiled attempt at spreading the Kingdom of God. While they may distract you with yuletide joy every December, there is only one person deserving of holding keys: God. If you may recall, “I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades” (Revelation 1:18). Who are you to say that you hold any keys worth owning compared to the keys of heaven and hell that God has? It’s time to take a look in the mirror and realize the error of your ways.

Next up, I’m looking at you, ballroom dancing. There is no way that all of you leave three feet between you and your partner for Jesus. These sexualized, rhythmic motions simulate procreation, something that is highly inappropriate for unmarried college students. Besides, there is only room for one dancer on the floor: the son of God. If you may recall from one of my favorite Sunday hymnals, “I danced for the scribe and the Pharisee,/But they would not dance and they wouldn’t follow me;/I danced for the fishermen, for James and John;/They came with me and the dance went on.” Do you really think any of you would have the courage to stand up to the Pharisees and then convert fishermen into disciples with your dancing? Didn’t think so. 

The Delilahs? I don’t even know where to start. Not only is your secular music dissonant to my ears, but to be named after an evil woman in the Bible is as sacreligious as it gets. Let me help you recall what she did to poor Sampson; “When Delilah saw that he had told her his secret, she sent for the rulers of the Philistines, saying, ‘Come up here again, for he has told me his secret.’ So the rulers of the Philistines went up to visit her, bringing the silver in their hands” (Judges 16:18). This homage to such a wretched woman may as well be equivalent to calling yourselves “Singers for Satan.” Not to mention the performances in Kimball during Valentine’s Day; if Jesus saw some of you getting up and dancing on tables, he would’ve flipped them over like he did to the merchants in the temple. 

And last, but certainly not least, is a message to The Spire. I’ve read through some of your articles recently and could not be more disturbed– there was a recent piece reviewing a horrifying movie depicting animals not behaving how God intended them to: “Super-Pets.” In case anyone at your publication has forgotten, “God said ‘Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth’” (Genesis 1:26-28). Why are you giving the light of day to such a hedonistic movie which depicts animals and humans as having similar abilities? 

And don’t even get me started on the piece about the live-action “How to Train Your Dragon.” As my namesake Saint Michael did, “Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back” (Revelation 12:7). Giving attention to such an overt symbol of hell could not be more backwards. And while I’m at it, these articles in general flat out stink. A much better journalistic practice would be to post memes about tran—

My apologies to all readers. Writing this piece, I was under the impression that I was chipping in a guest piece for The Fenwick Review and have just been informed otherwise…this is awkward.

Featured image courtesy of Clipartix.com