Mackenzie Hughes ‘25

Popcorn enthusiast 

Yeah, I get it. Words of affirmation are nice, and acts of service are pretty cool. But what is the love language for someone who doesn’t like talking to or spending time with their romantic partner? In fact, in many cases showing love can mean the opposite of these. For example, physical distance. Respecting personal space and creating boundaries are important for any relationship to thrive. Sometimes just sitting in the same room while you’re watching your own tik toks and then sending them to each other like they’re not 5 feet away from you can be sweet. Also, if there is going to be snuggling at any time, it will be with their dog. Fluffly will be the only one getting the cuddles. Next, how about words of passive aggressiveness instead of words of affirmation? “I can explain it to you again, but I don’t think I can really help you understand” or “You look so comfortable today” are good places to start. Stay toxic. I have a particular affinity for acts that serve me. I don’t want to do laundry together. I want you to alleviate every inconvenient daily chore for me. I don’t want to sit in Dinand and study together. I want you to proofread my essay for me. I don’t want to have to get up and fetch my charger. I want you to give me yours even when your phone is almost dead. Another act of serving me I support is trying out all the fountains to see which one has the best-tasting water (that’s not weird, some are definitely colder than others). Quality alone time is necessary, especially on a campus where you run into SO every time you step out the door. I recommend using HCGuest and pretending you didn’t get any text messages. If they really want to spend time together, they should schedule an office hours appointment at a time most convenient for me between the hours of 1:30-1:35 pm. I don’t want to hike to wherever they are on campus when I could be catching up on the latest episode of the Last of Us. I will also not get up from bed to “swipe you in.” Giving gifts can be tricky. I like stuff, but please don’t ever give me a surprise iced coffee from Cool Beans – it’ll be melted by the time it gets to me. The February stall street journal has some good examples of how to make Valentine’s Day nice for that special someone, like buying flowers, chocolates, etc. But if you’re catering to the needs of someone who demonstrates these expressions of love, you’ve come to the right place. Don’t give them any sort of jewelry with your initial on it; get them the Chic-fil-a heart-shaped nugget tray and call it a day.