Giraffa camelopardalis

Mario Micallef ‘22

Eggplant Editor

Photo courtesy of the Internet

The Giraffa camelopardalis, or “Giraffe” as the uneducated would put it, is the tallest living terrestrial animal native enough to call the Savanna desert home for millennia. It may come with grave news to the 13 remaining fans of Kiss that Gene Simmons, although may ‘rock and roll all night’ with his 4 inch tongue, but has nothing on the Giraffa camelopardalis’ tongue, which reaches a staggering 20 inches in length. Yet, a sensational part of this incredible creature is of course their long… (Sorry my keyboard got excited, where was I? Oh yes, I was just about to reveal the famous length.) Many pay a pretty penny and go to a zoo or go on a safari to drive through the smouldering outdoors in a car with no doors just to see the beauty in motion of a Giraffa camelopardalis using its enormous… (Damn it, keyboard! Keep it together!) I am terribly sorry that you have to witness this debauchery. You see my keyboard has been acting very unpr0fe55eeonal… (God almighty keyboard if you do not quit this tomfoolery you will never write another mediocre piece ever again and I will exile you to Google political news for 45 seconds only to search if Playboi Carti has dropped his new album yet). When the Giraffa camelopardalis is famished and needs replenishment from the desert heat it uses its great big… (That is it keyboard you have really outdone yourself with that one. You will hereby be punished for the humiliation you have put me through with your stunts throughout this so called “article” if you can even call it that now since you have ruined my creative vision with your absolute absurdity. I guess it just goes to show that you can never really rely on what you thought was your greatest tool, just like the Giraffa camelopardalis with its huge neck! Ha yes! I did it, keyboard! I was only talking about the neck! I bet you feel pretty stupid now for cutting me off like thhhat. Oh yes, how maaature. Sure go aheaddd and spell my wooords incorrectly. Everybody has caughttt on by now, it izn’t funnny. Yuo are only mmmaking yourseeelf look more foolish.

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