Eggplant

If We Went Back

Mario Micallef ‘22

Eggplant Editor

Stumbling back to campus, a group of nine men and three women made a scene in a few beloved late Thursday night hangout spots. Doting masks pulled slightly off the nose, these barbarous individuals proceeded into Dinand and each checked out 6 books they claimed they had been meaning to read. After two of them puked in the bushes, the uncivilized dozen, barely made their way into Croads and surprisingly enough did not order an entire pizza or the cardboard pasta but rather had the remaining chicken fingers (much to the enjoyment of the crew). It was not until they declared their love of each and every one’s summer festivities – a.k.a. attending a virtual Da Baby concert, hitting up “Cody’s second lakehouse” (without masks, they made a very clear point of this as they all slapped five after this information was made public) or giving an ‘f’ about covid – that folks in the fine dining establishment began to grow frustrated by the group’s presence. I caught up with a patron of the eatery later that night and he had some strong words; “Hey man, I don’t really care about drunk freshmen, I am just trying to slam this Pepsi Max and wolf my bread with lukewarm meatballs before my lab, so get out of my face.” Yet I was able to obtain some audio recording of the night and according to one fellow in the rowdy group, “As long as I start pounding enough brewskis by 8 pm, I can hit up any bar and not worry about CoronaVirus,” because apparently, and these facts are so top secret even the top infectious disease experts might not know this, “Two Coronas in under thirty seconds blocks any stupid Corona particles.” Security camera footage shows the group leaving toward Easy Street via the third floor of Hogan at 1 am. A local student, who wishes to remain anonymous, says they are “sure it will happen again” and to “stop with these questions man, I am trying to piece together the night myself.” Looks like this case will go right into the ‘unsolved loud vagrants mystery’ pile, conveniently right next to the ‘another night on the hill’ stack.  

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