Dane Anderson ‘20
Theory Crafting Campus Hiding Spots
The Spire works to deliver hard-hitting journalism, but during these times, we’ve had to rely on eyewitness accounts rather than direct reporting. The recent scoop from the international students trapped in Figge suggests that not all of the evicted students have left campus. Yes, some students got permission to stay longer, but there is at least one (1) student who is evading the law.
Students report seeing a hunched figure scurry between buildings at dusk. Footsteps pitter-patter around the halls, and doors seem to open and automatically close without anyone nearby. Students reportedly ignored these signs until Public Safety patrols increased across campus. Mysterious signs appeared around campus, offering a reward of twelve dining dollars for any information regarding “unauthorized forces on campus.”
Currently, it is unclear where any fugitives on campus could hide. Students speculate the empty lobby shop, the clock tower, and Lower Kimball Habenero’s as potential camp-out spots. While there is still no documentation on any direct sightings, two students circulated stories of potential sightings at roughly 4:30 pm this past Monday. The two students reported their sightings at Caro street and under Alumni bridge, respectively, so there is no chance this could have been the same figure.
The new Figge residents refuse to share their encounters with the college in a time-sensitive fashion. They insist that this behavior is the perfect representation of “social distancing.” Some even work to enable these mysterious figures by leaving simple (sterile) offerings around campus. A banana or box of crackers never lasts too long if they’re left along lower Easy Street. This may just be Facilities cleaning up garbage left around campus, but we can’t prove that it’s not hidden students. With so many students trapped at home, looking for anything to do besides homework, the live webcams across campus received a great deal more traffic in the past week. Students are remotely collecting and sharing any information they find while scanning the four streams. In the style of Finding Bigfoot, these students are determined to find a figure or figures that may only exist because of quarantine madness.