HC Helpdesk Finally Releases Paper-Shaming Student Rankings

Hannah Johnson ‘21


After continually watching privileged college students print way more study guides and readings than they actually need, and waste valuable paper by not printing double-sided or by not checking their print previews before printing, the College has finally released paper-use rankings so that people can feel properly ashamed for not doing their part to conserve vital resources.

ranks? Y’know, that way they can actually feel good.” — A concerned student

I have some helpful advice for anyone hoping to lower their paper-use ranking.

  • Don’t print out presentation note taking sheets.
  • Don’t bother with study guides.
  • Don’t do homework.

Don’t do readings. 💯💯

“As someone with the *best* possible score, I just want everyone to know that maybe you can be as conscientious and awesome as me, if you tried. Maybe.” – me

Students with low scores feel good, but also bad, because their number rank is so low. Meanwhile, students in the top 10 feel guilty but also low-key satisfied because the ranking system makes it seem like they achieved something great by putting them in the “top spots.”

“Why not rank it so that, like, the lowest student printers are in the upper (1-50)

Categories: Eggplant

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