Rotmans Robbery

Mario Micallef ’22

Eggplant Editor

New England’s Largest Furniture store ‘Rotmans’ claims that they have been robbed. We sent our top reporter to get some information on the case. Tomisthe TheifJones spoke with the manager of Rotman’s to get her take on the matter:

Tomisthe TheifJones: Hello. You are the manager of the store correct?

Suzanne: Hello, yes that is correct. My name is Suzanne.

Tomisthe TheifJones: You are claiming that half of your furniture collection has been stolen. Do you have any cameras up that might have caught the thieves in action?

Suzanne: Well yes, we do but they are just for show so we didn’t actually record who stole our merchandise.

Tomisthe TheifJones: I’m not surprised. Those things really don’t even seem worth it right?

Suzanne: Well in hindsight we should have just spent the money for real cameras.

Tomisthe TheifJones: Have the police said that they have found any fingerprints or other evidence that might implement someone in the crime?

Suzanne: They haven’t found any besides our own prints. In fact, according to the police most of the evidence is piling up against us!

Tomisthe TheifJones: Could it be that simple? Are you saying Rotmans stole the furniture from their own store?

Suzanne: Absolutely not! Why would we do that?

Tomisthe TheifJones: Maybe the pressure of being New England’s biggest furniture store got to you. Who else would rob your furniture with a gang from Canada?

Suzanne: I’ve never even been to Canada! How would I know that they have furniture there?

Tomisthe TheifJones: Oh believe me, they do now. Is there anything that you would like to say to the thieves that ransacked your store in under three hours?

Suzanne: Whoever did this heinous deed, just know that there is nothing you can do to bring down the soul of this city. Rotmans brings upholstery joy and financial obligations to so many families.

TomIsthe TheifJones: Next time, some might say for you to use a chained lock instead of bungee cords to secure this place up. I guess we will never know who committed this poor décor burglary.

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