Ian Sykes ‘28
Following an ungodly snowstorm on Mount Saint James, students at College of the Holy Cross have been facing an ongoing struggle with aura loss due to tripping on the icy steps of Dinand Library. Despite there being an amount of salt on the steps that could kill a snail the size of Greenland, students have continuously failed to account for slippery conditions and have repeatedly lost their footing both up and down the steps. Though one cause of many, this crisis has amounted to a worrying amount of aura loss among the student population.
Aura, an already scarce resource among an increasingly chopped Gen Z student population, has been hard to come by in recent years. Normally the source of this loss can be attributed to causes like getting called “washed,” forgetting to put clothes on and going outside just like your dreams, and passing gas in the library—though no contributor has resulted in such devastational losses as this novel cause.
The cascading staircase of Dinand Library has resulted in “generational” amounts of aura loss, according to top aura experts. It comes at a time where the student population has struggled to achieve their aura quotas. Reportedly, students have shown a trend in gaining aura in increments too small to accumulate back in time to regain it, which results in massive aura debts among the population. While the “national aura debt” has remained an inconsequential problem for most students, some students have been reported to have tripped down the stairs so many times this winter season that they have lost all of their aura. (For students who trip up the stairs, however, the status of their aura is unknown, but presumed to also return negative.)
In terms of global aura loss contributors, tripping on the Dinand steps is only bested by getting Fizzposted and missing a dap repeatedly.
Copy edited by Sophia Mariani ’26
Featured image courtesy of College of the Holy Cross
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