Finn Ryan ‘29:
This article is supposed to be “satire” at the expense of Italian Americans to make a stupid statement on Trump.
🙂
It isn’t funny.
🙁
Imagine if the author wrote the same racist article but aimed at African Americans?
Too far.
But the author chooses to take aim at successful Italian Americans.
An Italian-American’s idea of success is, of course, losing.
The author appears to have an Irish name.
Wrong! I’m actually named after Finn McMissile from Cars 2 and ‘Wheel of Fortune’ host Ryan Seacrest.
This POS should take the leprechaun out of his a*s,
That was a one-time thing when I was young and wanted to experiment.
Go back to the bar he came from,
Ok this one he got right.
And drink until he gets so drunk that he ***** his sister
She only likes me as a friend. However, Salma Hayek did once say Irish men are “the most passionate”.
Piper Guiney ‘28:
This week we are talking about Irish Pride baby. First and foremost, I will not stand for the comments that all Irish people do is drink. I’m 35% sober writing this article, meaning I mixed in a potato to help absorb some of the liquor. So there. As my late Grandpappy Paddy O’Furniture would say, even the drunkest Irishman is smarter than the sober non-Irishman. One time my uncle met the mighty Obama and was so excited he was bouncing off the walls. Ah yes, my uncle Rick O’Shea. Ireland truly is a right cracker country. The glorious and buttery pipes of one-named Enya, Bono, and Hozier, to name a few. There are multiple landmarks such as the place where Ray gave Luke Skywalker his sword in The Force Awakens. Like my forefathers before me, I will not close out this article, and instead use the best exit strategy of all time. The Irish goodbye.
Tim Elder ‘28:
If you have found yourself leaving hate comments on satirical articles, it’s time for you to
stop it and get some help. Thankfully here at the eggplant we are happy to provide you with a couple of remedies to this shockingly elementary use of your time.
A first would be touching some grass! It seems that once you have gotten to the point
where you are leaving hate comments on articles it is a clear sign you haven’t been outside in
quite some time. We know this might be scary but don’t be scared, just because the grass is green doesn’t mean it’s Irish!
A second option would be literally watching paint dry. Anyone, or any sane person that is, has learned that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all! So if you feel this unpleasant urge to comment on another article simply pick yourself up and watch some paint dry. It is most definitely a better use of your time.
Kathryn Pellicotte ‘29:
Words hold significant power. Just as the hilt is essential to the sword, grammar cannot be separated from the words. A student’s grammatical knowledge should be developed by the time they reach college; however, an anonymous comment we received proves otherwise. To jog their memory, some corrective copy-editing tips are included below.
Grammatical Rules for Hate Comments: (for children 5+)
- Quotation marks should be placed DIRECTLY before and after the desired word or phrase
Bad: This article is supposed to be “satire “
Good: This article is supposed to be “satire”
- Punctuation is good. Don’t ruin your statements with question marks!
Bad: Imagine if the author wrote the same racist article but aimed at African Americans?
Good: Imagine if the author wrote the same racist article, but aimed at African Americans.
- Don’t put a comma where it doesn’t belong- kinda like how you shouldn’t give your “two cents” where it isn’t wanted!
Bad: But the author, chooses to take aim at successful Italian Americans.
Good: The author chooses to take aim at successful Italian Americans.
Featured image courtesy of The Spire
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