By Stephan Duncan, Eggplant Editor Critics commonly talk about me—and I know perfectly well what an exquisite name Meryl is, even among the radical conservatives. I’m the one, the one and only, let me tell you, who is the greatest actress to act before both gods and men; […]
By John Buzzard, Chief Eggplant Editor After a string of violence related to the recent election of President Donald J. Trump, it seems that there has been a rapid increase in the percentage of Americans who believe that they have the moral high ground. This shocking report was […]
The changes in the seasons always bring new promises and holidays, yet they also bring a sense of aesthetic depression. As the days grow shorter and the weather gets colder, nearly three million Americans suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, throughout the duration of every winter, typically […]
Another damaging leakage of classified information has been released through WikiLeaks: a 138-page transcript regarding the United States’ inhumane torture methods of detainees by the CIA at separate black sites during the post-9/11 period. Though the Senate-passed Detainee Treatment Act of 2005 banned the “usage of cruel, inhuman, […]
I recently saw Marvel Studios’ “Doctor Strange” this past weekend, and while the movie itself, with the majority of the film being an acid trip into the glorious potential of VFX effects, was an enjoyable experience, there was one thing that completely threw me off in terms of […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As a result of Internet services like AOL and Amazon, carrier pigeons have announced that it has become necessary for the destruction of the Internet. As Carl Pigeon, a spokes-pigeon for the Pigeons Internet Destruction Group (PIDG), said in a statement to reporters Friday, “We’re […]
As we reach the end of another semester, we are wrought with the curse that befalls all college campuses at this time of year. Alas, the College of the Holy Cross is no different when facing the behemoth of Finals Week. It is a week that brings out […]
As we exit another enrollment period, there was tragedy, hardship, and severe loss of sleep throughout campus. Reports are coming from across the board that the enrollment period has once again brought a devastating sweep to the College of the Holy Cross. We are saddened and troubled to […]
In light of recent and shocking political shifts in the United States, a stunning reform in Canadian Immigration has been passed by the Liberal Party of Canada this past Thursday, now known as the Furo Dampnum Act, or, in English, the Sore-Loser Immigration Act. While the immigration policies […]
It is officially no longer socially acceptable for first-year students to not know how to do laundry, experts say. Furthermore, additional studies show that the students who have not learned how to do laundry by Thanksgiving Break will remain unable to do so for the rest of their […]
In the midst of a very tough time for all of us students, resident sophomore Richard Seymour reports that he has just way too much work to hang out right now. His roommate, Larry Wilson, tells The Eggplant that he has asked several times if Richard wanted to […]
It is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you that our dearly beloved Political Satire has been found dead at the age of 424. This news struck us dearly as a satirical page. Alas, as we all know, the tides ebb and flow and the […]
