Michael Vail ‘24 Trustworthy Employer Position Title: Professional college essay writer Start Date: ASAP Hours: Depends on your typing speed. Pay rate: I can give you like $80 in dining dollars. Background check?: I don’t care how many felonies you’ve committed, as long as you can write. Number […]
Mario Micallef ‘22 Eggplant Editor Hello (I am sitting on the ground, no, I’m laying on the hardwood floor. I don’t know why I lied right there. Maybe it was internal shame. Yes, in fact, it was. But I have to speak now. The ants coming off my […]
Mario Micallef ’22 Hairy Porter Extra! Extra! Read (or at least skim most of it so that you feel decently confident to speak about it if called on or asked) all about it! The headmaster’s letter! Quidditch cancelled! Defies tradition! Shocking! You won’t believe it! Click here now […]
Julianna Mariani ’24 Eggplant Editor As many people know, the freshmen here at the College of the Holy Cross have to take a Montserrat course. During the summer enrollment process, all of us freshies had to choose six different Montserrat courses that we would be willing to take […]
Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [Krispy Kreme Drive-Thru, Conway Arkansas, 5:35 A.M.] [A tan 1999 Toyota Celica pulls up in front of a green and red picture menu display and speaker.] Woman In Speaker: Hi there! Good Morning! Welcome to Krispy Kreme Doughnuts!! My name’s Patty. How may […]
Julianna Mariani ‘24 Eggplant Editor For this week’s Spire article, I had the pleasure of interviewing a College of the Holy Cross freshman who recently had an untimely encounter with the steps of Clark. Sandra Der was on her way to her only in-person class of the semester […]
Michael Vail ‘24 Freelance Reporter Prodigy Saturday, April 10, 2021, 7:23 p.m. Kimball Hall is roped off from the rest of the campus and firetrucks swarm the area. Starving students beg acquaintances for usage of their remaining dining dollars. Panic ensues. Hello folks, this is a broadcast live […]
Matthew Anderson ‘21 Has the Makings of a Varsity Athlete Sometimes real-life events are stranger than anything we can come up with here at The Eggplant. According to a survey by J.D. Power, last month, Holy Cross became the second-largest furniture retailer in the nation (behind Ashley Furniture […]
Hannah Johnson ‘21 Wordsmith First years, let’s see how much you’ve learned!! >:) ACROSS 1. the site for gatherings at Kimball, referencing its four small lawns 5. the women’s side of the fourth floor of Brooks, enclosed behind a big old door and card swipe 6. kinda the […]
Mario Micallef ’22 Solanum Melongena Peer across the deserted circus. Its tittinope floors with abandoned popcorn and cotton candy strewn about. Left by shifty poltroonery children. Sodas dropped and split in haste across the sticky floor cry out: Why oh why weren’t we guzzled like the prophecies spake? […]
Brian Saville ‘22 Local Skunk Wrangler With springtime now upon us, students on campus will be flocking to the outdoors to catch some sun and have some fun. We’ve been told by the powers that be that for now, outdoor gatherings are safer than indoor gatherings, but just […]
Hannah Johnson ‘21 Investigator Hi everyone! Have you ever felt a little *conspicuous* on campus? As though maybe, Everywhere you go, a Pub Safe car is watching your movements? If so, then you should Look no further! Today, I am going to do my best to help […]
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