Patrick Ryan ’27
Crap, That’s Tomorrow?
A local research firm, Student Trends Understood Per Individualized Demographics, has elected to run surveys on Holy Cross students in an effort to get a glimpse into the psyche of the average Crusader. One of their recent studies of Holy Cross students has found that the percentage of students who believe a midterm examination will be “mostly common sense” somehow increases exponentially as the test date nears. In the polled sample conducted while the midterms were weeks away, only a paltry 2% of students reported that their exams could be completed using common sense. However, in a later survey distributed only a night before the midterm, an astonishing 78% of students expressed “full confidence” that they could ace their tests with just a little old-fashioned know-how.
Jake Epping, a third-year econ major, was the subject of a longitudinal study by the aforementioned agency exploring this statistical curiosity. When asked about his study plan three weeks out from the exam, Jake explained, “This test is cumulative, meaning I’ll have to review everything we’ve talked about this semester. I’ll probably spend a day reviewing each unit, and then create a study guide for myself to go over. Finally, I will likely form a study group with classmates and meet with them a few times.” 12 hours before his exam, Epping was asked the same question: “When you really think about it,” Epping said introspectively while nodding slowly, “you kind of either know it or you don’t. Also, if there is a God, how could he be this cruel?”
While the cause of this strange phenomenon may never be fully understood, its correlation with some other collected data can potentially shed light on its root. For example, the amount of Doordashed Chipotle and Mcdonald’s peculiarly aligns with the average amount of assignments students have per week, while an unidentified influenza coincidentally appears to be incapacitating students on days they have exams 290% more often than non-exam days. Similarly, mass attendance at St. Joseph’s Chapel oddly experiences a spike during midterm and final season, with students promising to God that “I’ll actually go to church if I do well on this test” having an even higher correlation. While a lesser social scientist may invoke Occam’s Razor to interpret these findings, ultimately, more data must be collected before any conclusions can be drawn on these unusual occurrences.
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
Copy Edited by Sophia Olbrysh ’28
Web Edited by Zexuan Qu ’28
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