News

Returning Voice of the People

Michael Vail ‘24

Eggplant Editor

“Hello all, I just wanted to make a little PSA about bubble tea in Worcester. Until it is available on campus, which will hopefully be someday soon, be sure to order as a group if you’re going to use Grubhub! A $6 drink plus $6 in delivery fees is not worth it. Well, maybe a bit.”

Your local food expert

“To the singalong group on the second floor of Healy, we humbly thank you for your contribution to our world. Your presence is always appreciated. Every Dancing Queen and National Anthem I hear brings me one step closer to nirvana. Keep up the good work, champs.”

– Leah Sims ‘24

“Why do I need to refrigerate ketchup?”

KEVIN

“Someone has stolen the Inauguration Celebration poster from the sign outside Hogan. It’s about the size of a hundredth of a football field and probably drenched from the rain. This is a prized possession of the college. If you see something, say something.”

President Rougeau

“I think our education at Holy Cross should entirely consist of EVERFI courses.”

– Leroy!

“There’s a piece of tape on the ceiling of my dorm room. I think it covers the handle of a secret hatch to the room above me. But why would they hide such a unique design? Is this student-made? I must investigate. I’ll keep you updated.”

– Connie Spirits ‘23

“I hear they aren’t doing a presidential election this year. I think this was a much needed break. Props to the government for giving us a breather.”

– Alec Sean ‘22, poli sci major

“Wow, there are a lot of birds even though it’s raining. Wait. It’s because the worms are coming out. Nevermind.”

KEVIN

“I can’t stop the LinkedIn emails. I unsubscribed from so many. They just keep coming. Please send help.”

Emma Ale ‘25

“I was laughing so hard at Zuck for the barbecue sauce. But then I tried putting one on my bookshelf, just for fun, and it really spoke to me. It fits the vibe my room was missing, and looks great next to this Inauguration Celebration poster.”

Steven J. Hobbes ‘24

“The tape was not covering anything.”

Connie Spirits ‘23

“Skittles are not a good substitute for sugar. Don’t put skittles in your tea. I repeat: DO NOT USE SKITTLES AS SUGAR!”

Leah Sims ‘24

“I lost the game.”

– [Anonymous submission]

“aw hell nah he breaking the space time continue umm”

– (=^・ェ・^=))

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