News in Brief for the Week of October 18, 2021

Mario Micallef ‘22
Hard News Guy

Professor gives her class a pop quiz because, “You all decided you could pull hooky for an entire week. Not on my watch.”

First-year seen crawling on top of the Kimball roof looking for what his senior teammate called ‘Upper, Upper Kimball.’ 

A study abroad junior calls his friend at Holy Cross every Tuesday at 1:30 p.m. to remind him, “I’m in Paris right now, and you aren’t.”

Wario spoke about his shock that he was hired to replace one of the Edge shuttle drivers saying, “They didn’t even check if I had a license.” 

Kimball’s chicken shortage led students to parade down Easy Street and break out into tune singing, “The chicken’s dead! The chicken’s dead! Ding-dong! The merry-o sing it high, sing it low! Let them know the wickedly dry chicken is dead!”

Anonymous student wears a balaclava mask, puffy hoodie, short-shorts, and flip-flops because, “I do not know how to dress for Worcester weather, bro. I am freezing for my 8:00 a.m., but by lunch I am leaving sweat dripping on the seats from the heaters in class.”

A junior from California was seen scooping red fallen maple leaves into a large manila envelope entitled “Keepsakes for my L.A. friends.”

A first-year thinks to herself in preparation for parents weekend, “I sure am glad I didn’t go on that trip with my friends to Peru and instead went back and hung out with my family, because not seeing them for five days was kinda scary.”

A senior who has been on a hunger strike since March of 2020 over the closing of Lower Kimball, eats his first meal on the first day of its reopening. His choice? 250 Uncrustables.

Categories: Eggplant

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