Eggplant

“No ❤️ 😜,” Says Holy Cross Administration to Struggling Students Seeking Aid

Matthew Anderson ‘21

Guy Who Knew Exactly What He Was Signing Up For

Photo courtesy of Matt Anderson ’21
In response to student demands, Holy Cross, with the help of the Eggplant, reiterates its stance on grade policy

Holy Cross students woke up this morning to the long-overdue response by college administrators to the online petition made a month ago to institute pass/no pass this semester. For those who didn’t read the email, the Eggplant asked college administrators for a one-sentence summary to the question, will we see any meaningful help come from the administration to students unable to cope with this unorthodox semester? Their response: “No ❤️  😜 .” 

However, as student outrage mounts, administrators feel that the true, caring tone of their email did not come through. With the aid of the emoji, therefore, we at the Eggplant seek to help outline the real vibe that Holy Cross administrators were going for in their email:

“…[M]any students expressed concerns about the workload this semester and the challenges of online learning. Some students noted the difficulty of maintaining focus, keeping track of coursework, and balancing responsibilities at home with their academic assignments😯 😦 🤭 . A number of students expressed the sentiment that “everything takes longer 🤔 😭 .” 

A group of [Over 1,500] 🤫  students has sent a petition requesting that we institute the modified Pass/No Pass policy that we used last spring🤢 🤮 . We are not going to make a change to the Pass/No Pass policy at this point in the semester 😜 🤗 . While the unforeseen and abrupt change in circumstances led us to modify the policy in the middle of the semester last spring, changing the policy in the middle of a semester raises significant concerns about fairness as students have already made decisions about their courses🚫 🧢 💯.”

“…At the same time, we recognize that we are all working very hard this semester🍾 🏅 .” 

It is also reported that Holy Cross administrators have issued litigation against what they believe to be widespread petition fraud on the part of students. One anonymous Dean, arguing for a recount told the Eggplant, “There’s no way over 1,500 students signed this petition🤡 . Some of the Holy Cross emails that signed it were over a decade old 👀  🤥 !” Even the President has weighed in on the drama “FRAUD!” said Trump on November fourth, commenting on the results of the student petition.

Photo Courtesy of Matt Anderson ’21

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