Grace Bromage ’23
Features Editor, Trained in Psychology*
Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, comprised exclusively of satirical articles.
Is the teacher who didn’t know how to play a YouTube video four weeks ago struggling to hold classes online? Has your internet been slow and forced you to miss important assignments? Has your weekend lifestyle been dramatically (and disappointingly) altered? If so, it is understandable that you might be feeling some emotional distress. Today, I will be offering ideas on how to deal with emotional distress, free of charge.**
This is a classic coping mechanism. It doesn’t actually work and can leave you more emotionally damaged in the long run, but if it gets you through the paper you forgot was due in two hours, it’s worth it.
This one is difficult given that gyms in most states are now closed, so it might require one to build a gym at home. Don’t ask me how to build a kickboxing gym: that’s your problem. However, this only allows for some creativity and a DIY project that can be used to kill boredom.
I read somewhere that chocolate is supposed to be good for stress. At least that’s what I tell myself as I indulge in unhealthy food choices. You too can join me in a pseudoscience fueled diet.
(Note: if you eat too much chocolate you might get sick, but then you have something else to worry about besides classes so perhaps it’s not all bad)
Trying to learn another language
You might be failing the one you’re taking that counts towards your GPA, but it’s important to know how to curse technology in multiple languages.
Yelling at your neighbor who continues to ask you “how you are?”
You can’t yell at your computer (I mean you can but it’s more satisfying to yell at something sentient). You can’t yell at your family because they may be the only people you’ll be socializing with for the next few weeks. So go yell at your neighbor who will not take “I’m fine” for an answer and leave you alone.***
Hopefully these tips can help you get through these next few weeks. If you want this article signed you can reach me in Kingston, MA. Just make sure to wear a hazmat suit and bring several bottles of hand sanitizer.
*Grace Bromage is currently taking Intro to Psych. She does not intend to pursue this as a major, but she can tell you the parts of the eye and why babies enjoy playing peek-a-boo. She has also watched three seasons of “Criminal Minds.”
**If you enjoy these tips, Grace will be publishing a book this fall. She has lots of free time to write now that she has no social life.
***By “I’m fine” you really mean “I’m clearly not fine since my life was turned upside down three weeks ago, but please continue to ask.”