Nocial Sorm

Mario Micallef ’22
Eggplant Editor

Listen, I like breaking social norms as much as the next guy but if we are meeting for the first time and you make no effort to share your social security number with me do not expect me to smile and do the head nod thing to you. Also, if we are eating sandwiches and you do not eat horizontally, you can not expect me to keep my appetite. By the way, if you share a pencil with me and I swiftly return it at the end of the semester, I’d welcome a smile to those teeth marks I left on it. Speaking of welcoming a smile, I provide nothing less when I see the barista has left room for cream even though they didn’t ask me if I wanted room for cream; forcing me to ask them to fill it up again because I didn’t pay $3.25 for 98% of the cup to be filled.  There is no social norm that I enjoy more than that of changing seats every class throughout the semester so that my classmates are always guessing at where I’ll be sitting next. I look forward to Monday’s when my friends ask me what my plans are for the next evening, “Aren’t you going out tomorrow? I have like one class anyway, being dizzy for Calculus 2 was all of my Senior year of high school”. My best friend’s favorite norm to keep up with is dressing like a guy from a cologne commercial, donned with a soaking collard shirt, and a face exhibiting spite towards the actor who got the underwear gig. Personally, I find it quite hard to preserve the norm of refraining from tipping those who wait on me and giving money to those who need it for more heroin. Most people call me a ‘ people person’, and so I take great pride in reminding those that eating dinner at 4:30 is one of the most important social norms to follow, falling only second to going to bed at 7 o’clock sharp. 

Editor Note: All views and comments expressed in this article are endorsed by Mark Czerwinski.

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