Eggplant

Eli Manning: In Memoriam

Greg Hausler ‘20 

Chief Eggplant Editor

You can’t spell elite without Eli. Giants fans and national audiences alike may have just witnessed our last primetime Eli Manning game. The ESPN broadcast did everything but play “Fix You” by Coldplay or “Ave Maria” as they followed the longtime Giants quarterback and 2 time Super Bowl MVP in his walk off the field after another gut wrenching loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. All the ESPN broadcast team of Joe “I should be doing college games” Tessitore and Booger “At least I’m not Jason Witten” McFarland had to do was bring in ESPN’s obligatory sad story reporter, Tom Rinaldi, and this easily could have been the required heavy segment on another addition of Outside the Lines with sitting in for the seemingly Kate Fagan perpetually absent, now retired, Bob Ley. In honor of the third best Manning brother’s possible final game(people forget, as we are reminded of weekly, Cooper was the best athlete of the gang) I think it’s time to properly eulogize the legendary quarterback who will test the boundaries of what is a Hall of Fame caliber career like no other. 

116-117, you may be asking what those numbers mean? That was Eli’s career record. He left us with one last second half collapse to seal his record as below .500 for his career. In a way this game served as the perfect microcosm of Eli’s career. At one point he was dropping perfectly placed deep balls to late round receivers such as Darius Slayton and on the other he was crumbling as he tried to do a spin move that was slower in real time then a Lamar Jackson move in slow motion. A beloved teammate, father, and brother Eli gave us Giants fans 2 unprecedented Super Bowl runs. Did he mix and follow those runs with multiple years of futility and heart breaking interceptions? Yes, there’s no denying that, but find any Giants fan and they’ll tell you they’d rather have those 2 runs then be alongside Philip Rivers and all 27 of his children in NFL purgatory. Peyton may have out lasted him but at least his “wife” didn’t need steroids to do it. Was he Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, or Drew Brees? No, but at least he wasn’t Mark Sanchez… Eli’s career will never be repeated again. The guy with the best chance to do it is Jameis Winston, but his affinity for Uber and crab legs make it highly unlikely he lasts that long. Luckily we have been left with a physical and spiritual clone of number 10 in Daniel “Dimes” Jones. If all goes according to plan, he will be the thorn in the side of Steve Belichick’s next Patriot dynasty. He survived 16 years in the league’s toughest market with no scandals and remained a loyal soldier and teammate even when his number was no longer being called. Eli it’s not goodbye it’s just see you later. Because I go to Holy Cross I will read a passage from the Bible to conclude, “Because he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.” 

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