Eggplant

Jokes from Russia

By Hannah Johnson ’21
Eggplant Editor

It’s mid November. Temperatures are dropping. Deadlines and midterms are approaching. Who wants some jokes?? Courtesy of one of my Russian textbooks. Below you will find these lovely jokes with their English translations underneath:

Uchenik opozdal na urok. 
Chto sluchilos’? – sprosila uchitel’nitsa. 
Na menya napal vooruzhennyy bandit. 
O gospodi! I chto zhe on u tebya otnyal?
Domashneye zadaniye.

A student was late to class. 
“What happened?” – asked the teacher. 
“I was attacked by an armed bandit.” 
“Oh goodness! What did he take from you?”
“My homework.”

Predstav’ sebe, vchera voditel’ avtobusa posmotrel na menya tak, slovno ya yedu bez bileta…
Nu i kak zhe ty reagiroval?
Ochen’ prosto. Ya posmotrel na nego tak, slovno bilet u menya byl.

“Picture this: yesterday, the bus driver looked at me as if I were riding the bus without a bus ticket.”
“Well, and how did you react?”
“It’s very simple. I looked at him as if I had a ticket.”

Politseyskiy ostanavlivayet nachinayushchego voditelya. 
Vy razve ne videli znak? Zdes’ razreshayetsya yekhat’ tol’ko v odnom napravlenii. 
A chto?! – vozrazhayet voditel’. – Razve ya yedu v dvukh?

A policeman stops a novice driver.
“Didn’t you see the sign? Here, the road goes in only one direction.”
“And what?!” – objects the driver – “Was I going in two?”

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