By Mario Micallef ’22
Oh, what a terrific move that was. No, no one saw you. There you go, just like that. Put another in your mouth. Why don’t you wipe your hands off on your shirt again? You’ve got to be down to the last of the chips by now. Quick, swipe your trackpad so that the laptop shining your unfinished paper isn’t put to sleep. Sleep, that sounds nice doesn’t it? Oh, but you’re way past the point of calling it quits and finishing early in the morning. And you two, can’t you smooch and fondle someplace other than the library printers? Ah, you, I bet you thought you were pretty special when you rolled up your pant legs today didn’t you? I’m very pleased that you pulled your hat down so far that nobody would get lost in your eyes. Please continue to scope the room to check if anyone is looking at your screen, it’s not obvious enough right now. Thanks a million for spreading all of your class papers on that table so that it looks like you are the absolute definition of a scholar. How did you know that I love the permeating smell of your ninety-dollar Jesus-sandal-and-sock combination that rests just inches from my back? It wouldn’t be the same without you, you and your persistent gawk to the clock every 15 seconds. And you, why can’t you have a normal daydream in your Monday lecture like everyone else and not a cynical retiree rant?