Anonymous Goose Diplomat
I wanted to let everyone know that I, as a Philosophy student, am doing great. After all the recent discussion and protest about sexual assault/misconduct on this campus–which was so clearly focused on the welfare and well-being of the affected students and not simply focused on seeking bloody justice for this esteemed professor that we have deemed to be a monster–I just wanted to let everyone know that I am, in fact, “hanging in there” as the kids say.
You’d think that, actually, after coming to this school primarily for its Philosophy department and the great teachers within it, only to have many of the best professors leave or mysteriously disappear soon after I began my Philosophy education here, I might be a little more upset. On the contrary: I found it extremely exciting to try and sign up for my courses for this semester, only to find myself fighting tooth and nail for a good class out of the small number being taught by the, what, like, 3? professors left in this department.
All of our (my?) crying convinced the Dean to make another section of the overflowing Medieval Philosophy class, so that us lowly and unlucky Philosophy students may fulfill one of our major requirements and take a class with the legendary professor that everyone and their mother has recommended I take a class with. So, you’d think that I’d also be a little more upset because said professor magically disappeared not even three weeks into this class… but, once again, on the contrary: I find it titillating to have a completely new professor that I didn’t originally sign up for; it’s so intriguing to have literally no information whatsoever about why the old professor spontaneously ceased to exist on this campus; and it’s so riveting that we’re still reading the book *he* wrote in Medieval Philosophy, so that every class I can read his work and still hear his voice and be reminded about how uncomfortable this entire situation is.
How do I stay so positive? Well, for one, instead of spending class time talking about our feelings and what’s going on in this forsaken department, we’ve instead opted to pretend like nothing ever happened. Philosophy won’t “do” itself, you know–we haven’t gotten any word on what’s going on anyway, so why bother? There are Confessions to read!
Also, I’m happy because I’ve also been working in the Philosophy department. Am I concerned about how, in that Worcester Mag article from January, the Philosophy grad mentioned that she was handpicked for this work-study position as part of her psychological grooming? Heck no! Do I feel safe and comfortable as a young female student in this department? Absolutely! In fact, I’d say the faculty really love me!
This article appeared in the annual satire edition of the Spire.