Carolyn Ahern ’20
The DC Semester, Like, Changed Her
In case you haven’t been keeping up with the Democrats lately, here’s an updated list of every 2020 democratic presidential candidate, in order of their campaign announcement dates: Rep. John Delaney (D-MD), entrepreneur Andrew Yang, Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI), former HUD Secretary Julian Castro, former Senator Mike Gravel (D-AK), Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA), Mayor of South Bend Pete Buttigieg, entrepreneur and former representative from California Marianne Williamson, Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ), Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT), Governor of Washington Jay Inslee, Governor of Colorado John Hickenlooper, Mayor of Miramar, Florida Wayne Messam, former representative, candidate for Senate, and resident hottie of the Democratic party Beto O’Rourke of Texas, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), and… Rev. Philip L. Boroughs, S.J.!
That’s right – the College of the Holy Cross’ very own Father Boroughs is throwing his hat in the ring to take on President Donald J. Trump in the 2020 election. Boroughs, who assumed office as the 32nd president of the College in January 2012, announced his candidacy to the Holy Cross community over email on Monday night, before attending his first official campaign event at a diner in Sioux City, Iowa. He plans to run on a platform of “Jesuit ideals” and briefly mentioned Holy Cross in his remarks.
“I think Father Boroughs will make a great candidate, and a great POTUS,” said a sophomore political science student who got an A in Principles of American Government last semester. “He’s got all the right qualifications – he’s had to deal with addressing the touchy subject of sexual assault, he’s trying to figure out a housing crisis in his community, and he tries so hard to seem like a relatable, average guy that he actually seems like an alien trying really hard to pretend to be human – I mean, he fits right in with all the other candidates, and every president we’ve ever had! I don’t know why he didn’t run sooner, honestly.”
This week alone, Boroughs has campaign events scheduled in Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, Des Moines, Council Bluffs, Oskaloosa, Ames, Davenport, Iowa City, and Dubuque, Iowa. When asked whether the race would affect his ability to serve as the College’s president, and if there’s a plan in place for his replacement if he wins the nomination, Boroughs simply responded, “no comment,” before asking one of his aides to look into getting a pet dog to seem “more relatable.”
This article appeared in the annual satire edition of the Spire.