Eggplant

Senior Girl Publishes Finalized Draft of 100 Days’ Kiss List

Scramble, Sr.

Can Be Found in Drunk Tank by 8pm

With just under 48 hours to go until the Holy Cross Class of 2019’s 100 Days Ball, one senior has just put the finishing touches on her carefully crafted and highly selective 100 Days Ball “kiss list”.

According to tradition, 100 Days Ball is one of the final opportuni- ties for seniors to kiss classmates before graduation. “Ya know, just in case you haven’t had the chance to kiss the only 3 remaining guys at this school that you or one of your friends haven’t gotten with yet,” the senior reports.

Between roster-stalking Dance


With just under 48 hours to go until the Holy Cross Class of 2019’s 100 Days Ball, one senior has just put the finishing touches on her carefully crafted and highly selective 100 Days Ball “kiss list”.

According to tradition, 100 Days Ball is one of the final opportunities for seniors to kiss classmates before graduation. “Ya know, just in case you haven’t had the chance to kiss the only 3 remaining guys at this school that you or one of your friends haven’t gotten with yet,” the senior reports.

Between roster-stalking Dance Class Lacrosse Boy and crossing off the boys who had since grown ugly facial hair, she was generous enough to disclose some details of her selection process with The Eggplant.

“It was hard to make the final cuts, but in the end, I feel I’ve made the right decisions. I really wanted Jack C. to make the list, but I’m just not sure he’s here for the right reasons. It was a toss-up for the first spot. It was really close between Montserrat Boy and Plaid Backpack from Calc, but in the end, my Appa Love from sophomore year cinched the number one spot.”

She explained that for efficiency purposes you want a solid mix of crush-worthy but attainable guys. “Like, I know Steve has a girlfriend right now, but that’s temporary. The love we shared in the stir-fry line at 6pm on Wednesdays…that’s forever.”

In preparation for the exchange of bodily fluids that will occur between the already incestuous Class of 2019, she reported that she had nearly doubled her already aggressive dosages of Airborne and Emergen-C. “I’ve already had both strains of mono. I’ve gotten two flu shots. I will not be slowed down. I’ve trained for this since the first outdoor edge. 100 days is my Olympics.”

“That’s not how that works,“ Martha Sullivan wanted to add.

A whole case of Carmex from the Lobby Shop in hand, the girl was ready to give The Eggplant an exclusive behind-the-scenes preview of her final draft, which was no shorter than the length of a CVS receipt, and no longer than her eventual walk of shame from Caro to Figge come Saturday morning. As she rolled up her list off the ground, her girl crush walked by, and the senior mentioned that she might need to make some more adjustments to the list.

At press time, the girl had reportedly scrapped her list, and instead printed off the entire “Class of 2019 Participants” Moodle page.

Categories: Eggplant, Uncategorized

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