William Browser

Four-for-Four on STAR

For years and years students at The College of the Holy Cross have carried out similar pre-enrollment day routines. From saying a prayer before bed, to purchasing ethernet cables, to camping out in academic buildings, students have thought of it all. Yet, one of the oldest tricks in the book is no longer a viable option. So we all thought…

Every class of students prior to the class of  ‘22 knew that the best way to ensure successful enrollment was to claim a desktop in the main reading room of the Dinand Library. In order to get a good night sleep and to be awake on time students often brought sleeping bags, pillows, alarm clocks, electric blankets, snacks, and a nasty note to tape to the computer they claimed.  

After hearing about the good ole’ days from an upperclassmen, several first year students began to plan an unauthorized sleepover that undermined the new hours of Dinand library.  These students began their night by doing things like reading for Montserrat, completing listening journals for music class, and starting problems sets for Calculus 1 while the library was still open. But, as closing time approached the students disseminated to hide in low traffic areas of the library including underneath the table on the second floor of the stacks, behind the whiteboards in Scalia, and various other places that have yet to be identified. In my eyes it was astounding that the students were not located and removed from the library by the vigilant, mall cop-esque, security detail that patrols Dinand in the evening.

Nevertheless, this group of students made it through the night unscathed and eager to enroll. The students thought they had pulled off the impossible, but they thought too soon. Prior to doors opening, the students who had been waiting outside Dinand for hours broke out into a brawl that had to be pacified by Public Safety with intervention by the Worcester Police Department. Ultimately, the library opened later than usual on Monday morning due to the turmoil associated with the early morning riots.

Unfortunately, the students who had stayed the night in Dinand incriminated themselves by enrolling from desktops in the main reading room. The IT Department determined that three students from Professor Dustin’s Montserrat class, nine members of SPUD, two students planning to be Biology majors and four students involved in Club Rugby had enrolled in their classes from the library’s server. Interestingly, four upperclassmen on the football team were found in the library by maintenance staff prior to opening. These students were quoted saying, “it would be funny to watch first year students see us using the computers to watch the highlight reel of our four wins this season when they were trying to enroll.” In light of this incident The College has called “Santa Claus” out of retirement to reinstate order in Dinand.

– William Browser