Eggplant

To Flush or Not to Flush

Joe Splattermann

Eggplant Editor

 

Misunderstood Nuances of Campus Restroom Use...

Eighteen uses, one flush! Everyone knows the rules. The College of the Holy Cross offers many great restrooms, yet each has its own nuanced user policy. Those who have used the men’s room in the basement of Stein have demonstrated a trend that the College endorses. Users of this restroom seem to avoid flushing the urinals at all cost.

After realizing this trend,  The Spire collaborated with The Stall Street Journal to initiate a full fledged investigation. It became clear that on average over 8 individuals use each urinal per hour, yet the toilet was not flushed more than once every three hours. After speaking with numerous users of the Stein restroom, The Spire’s undercover reporter concluded that the lack of routine flushing was not for environmental purposes as he had once suspected. After making no effort to flush the urinal, a freshman patron frantically proclaimed “My exam started 30 seconds ago!” as he flead the restroom. Later that week a Junior awaiting his political science lecture said “I usually just forget flush” when asked what his reason for following trend was. Many similar regards were made throughout the course of the investigation, but no conclusive explanation for this lack of flushing seemed to arise in the early stages of the investigation.

Thanks to the input of a wise sophomore sporting an unkempt mullet, we were finally beginning to understand the no-flush culture that prevails in the Stein basement. The sophomore explained the infrequency of flushes with a compelling and rather detailed explanation. He explained that the geometry of urinals in Stein cause a substantial amount of splatter to accumulate around the base of each urinal. Ultimately,  this splatter acts as a buffer zone which prevents urinal users from positioning themself close to the urinal. As a result the level of splatter increases all day until the user can no longer flush the urinal without stepping in said splatter. Rather than replacing these poorly designed receptacles, the College views this disgusting phenomenon as a way to lower utility expenses and has decided not to make a statement.

 

Categories: Eggplant

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