Why I’m Still Mad

By Emily Breakell, Former SGA Co-President


I’m still mad because people I don’t know think it’s okay to ask me how same-gender sex works. I’m still mad because when we talk about “majority students” on this campus, we’re talking about white kids, not recognizing that an even more overwhelming majority on campus is straight/cis kids. I’m still mad because for all of my white, cis privilege, I’ve still been called a “f*g,” so what BS does a nonbinary/lgbtq+ student of color have do deal with on this campus? I’m still mad because people don’t think that queer students feel silenced on this campus. I’m still mad because a lot of people are still afraid to come out at Holy Cross. I’m still mad because people are afraid to be themselves at Holy Cross. I’m still mad because I still hear people using “gay” and “homo” as an insult. I’m still mad because my people’s marginalization isn’t taken as seriously as other forms of marginalization. I’m still mad because we’re a minority among minoritized groups on campus, and that makes it harder to build community. I’m still mad because the Office of Multicultural Education rarely gestures towards the existence of lgbtqiap+ students and their struggle. I’m still mad because I have more faculty than peer allies. I’m still mad because people still see my identity as a threat to their religious traditions. I’m still mad because lgbtqiap+ students–in and out of the closet–are still plagued with loneliness. I’m still mad because we don’t talk about intersectionality enough. I’m still mad because the Drag Show has to be “educational” to be approved by the College. I’m still mad because lgbtqiap+ students still feel pressure to pass as straight and cis. I’m still mad because y’all steal from queer culture without accepting us (e.g., hipster style is just queer style, “queen,” “yas”). I’m still mad because you’re demanding that I be your ally when you’re not being an ally to me. I’m still mad because only 10 people came to debrief the visibility project. I’m still mad because where the HELL was the broad-based, intersectional support for the amazing event on campus, “Breaking the Closet?” I’m still mad because people still assume I am dating my close friends. I’m still mad because people don’t think I “look queer.” I’m still mad because we should be people for and with other people. I’m still mad because I’m trying to be forthcoming about my identity so that other students might feel okay with theirs, but you still ask me why I “talk about being queer so much.” I’m still mad because y’all don’t know what it’s like to be queer on this campus, and you don’t care, and you don’t ask more. But most of all, I’m still mad because y’all MAKE me mad.

Photo courtesy of CRW Flags, Inc.

Categories: Opinions

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18 replies »

  1. Hypocritical of you to claim people “don’t ask more”, yet you also claim, “people I don’t know think it’s okay to ask me how same-gender sex works.”
    Maybe you feel marginalized, but being angry at the world won’t solve your problems.


  2. Dear “Everyone”,

    Speak for yourself and leave the rest of us out of it because that is not how everyone feels. Some of us do care about everyone on this campus being comfortable in their own skin, being their authentic self, and feeling welcomed and included. When a fellow student, such as Emily, spouts off about what makes her angry, I care. I want to hear it, and so do many other students. Next time you want to comment on something, have the courage of your convictions and sign your name. Don’t speak for the rest of us.


  3. Dear Ms. Breakell,

    As a proud Southerner, I’m mad that you keep appropriating the Southern contraction “y’all.” Please consider being more inclusive and use the phrase “you all” or “yinz.” Please only use the latter phrase, however, if you’re from the Pittsburgh area, lest you appropriate their culture too.


    A former Milligan/Vanecko voter


  4. Dear Bill,
    I agree, the word “y’all” was overused. I don’t think it’s fair for Ms. Breakell to generalize. “y’all” (you all) implies that EVERYONE on campus is contributing to the problem. I don’t even know Ms. Breakell personally, so I don’t appreciate being targeted in her article.


  5. Using the term “y’all” is not appropriating southern contractions. You can’t appropriate a contraction. It is clear that the people commenting on this article in such a petty and unproductive manner clearly missed the point of the piece.


  6. Do you want to make fun of us for being Trump voters or use our contraction-based slang? YOU CAN ONLY CHOOSE ONE!


  7. To Olivia: thank you for your thoughtful writing in The Crusader all year.
    To Bill: I am happy to have a conversation with you when you’re not hidden behind a ridiculous pen name.


  8. You only thank Olivia because you agree with her. Bill Dewahl has been contributing hilarious satire all year, where is his thanks? No wonder he wants a pen name, he will just be called out for being a “white male” or something. The ridiculous, spineless nature of this paper is why we are going from the holy cross Crusaders to the holy cross “BugMen.”


  9. Ms. Breakell,

    My name is Dr. Dewahl to you, not Bill. I worked hard for my degree, and it deserves to be respected. Moreover, I throw the same challenge back at you regarding hiding behind a pen name. Do you honestly expect me to believe Emily Breakell is a real name?


  10. Dear Squilliam, you don’t have the right to call the writing in the paper spineless when you don’t even own your opinions with your real name. I can’t respect someone’s opinion when they hide behind a cartoon character’s name. Some would say that is spineless. And enough with the victimization of white men! It’s a myth!


  11. You only wish I were a myth. Only spineless young boys who use pseudonyms are afraid of assertive women. As for your PhD, the only PhD you have is in BS.


  12. Dear Ms. Pan,

    I would like you to know Bill Actually does have his B.S. in mechanical engineering. Please do not diminish his accomplishments.


  13. Dear “Wilma”, I am not diminishing anyone’s real accomplishments. However, I stand by what I said. And that is that no one who writes for a paper, or any publication, should hide behind a fake name.


  14. I am a refugee from the Control Left’s war on free speech. Can you blame me for hiding any more than you can a Yazidi in Syria?


  15. Man, you’ve lost all perspective if you’re comparing yourself to Syrian refugees. It is insulting and offensive. So, keep hiding behind your fake name.


  16. Anyone who needs to resort to name-calling, such as calling someone ignorant, is not a very talented writer. You are not funny enough, witty enough, nor do you have a great enough handle on satire that you need a fake name. No one who writes for this paper needs a fake name. Your pseudonym isn’t very clever or funny. It’s pretty basic, like your responses.


  17. Writing this comment to apologize to Emily and everyone I’ve hurt with my callous and insensitive speech. The First Amendment is important to me, but I realize that it is a liberty I should use to make the world a better place. Plain and simple, I’ve been a cowardly, cyber-empowered, blockhead-bully and I’m owning up to it. I’m sorry.


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