By Bill Dewahl, Staff ‘Writer’
According to a series of SGA media released over the past month, virtue signalling is the only way for Holy Cross students to effectively bring about social justice. “There is never a bad time to proclaim an affirming, inclusive phrase, like ‘Black Lives Matter,’” explained sophomore Dwight Guilt, before continuing, “I even try to incorporate the phrase into my love life, especially when my partner is white.”
Some students claim virtue signaling is necessary for convincing others of their lack of bigotry. With a look of pure befuddlement on her face, freshman Catherine Backpfeifengesicht, asked, “How would others know I wasn’t racist, transphobic, fatphobic, sexist, or ableist if I didn’t post a daily Facebook reminder that bigotry is a bad thing?”
From the Latinx perspective, junior Selena-Francisca Juarez-Domingo Smith, who fellow students described as absolutely the worst person to talk to at a party or any other social gathering for that matter, claimed it is the duty of all whites to “get their facts straight and advocate by taking effective actions like retweeting the real President of the United States, Hillary Clinton, or writing a letter to the editors of a little-read school newspaper.” Offering advice to prospective social justice warriors, Smith continued, “Your advocacy doesn’t even need to have a central argument. Simply cite a plethora of unrelated stats, especially sensationalist debunked stats like the wage gap or the 1 in 5 women myth and use overly verbose language, and you’ll be guaranteed to get at least one retweet, reblog, or share on social media, where the real fight for social justice is occurring.”
In particular, students have cited the SGA’s “It’s On Us” campaign as a major step towards defeating the scourge of campus sexual assault. According to senior Scott Queensley, “I had no clue I wasn’t allowed to do that until I saw the SGA video, though girls around campus don’t seem to like that I now begin every conversation with the phrase ‘I have no intentions of sexually assaulting you.’”
Other students had different reasons for applauding the SGA’s release of the video. “To be honest, I always thought 1 in 5 women were allergic to grapes,” said freshman Jack Goff, who is also dyslexic.
Critics of virtue signaling, however, claim this course of action accomplishes little. Campus conservative D.J. Podge tried to explain his criticism, but his words were drowned out by a chanting group of tolerant, masked protesters before being knocked unconscious by a blow from a bike lock. Answering for the incapacitated Podge, one of the masked protesters proclaimed, “Noncompliant opinions must be shamed and suppressed!”
Though many of the social justice woes plaguing the College show little sign of resolution in the near future, Crusaders campus-wide can share one thing in common: at least we feel good about ourselves.
Photo courtesy of Psychology Today