Virtue Signaling is the Only Way to Effect Social Change

By Bill Dewahl, Staff ‘Writer’

According to a series of SGA media released over the past month, virtue signalling is the only way for Holy Cross students to effectively bring about social justice. “There is never a bad time to proclaim an affirming, inclusive phrase, like ‘Black Lives Matter,’” explained sophomore Dwight Guilt, before continuing, “I even try to incorporate the phrase into my love life, especially when my partner is white.”

Some students claim virtue signaling is necessary for convincing others of their lack of bigotry. With a look of pure befuddlement on her face, freshman Catherine Backpfeifengesicht, asked, “How would others know I wasn’t racist, transphobic, fatphobic, sexist, or ableist if I didn’t post a daily Facebook reminder that bigotry is a bad thing?”

From the Latinx perspective, junior Selena-Francisca Juarez-Domingo Smith, who fellow students described as absolutely the worst person to talk to at a party or any other social gathering for that matter, claimed it is the duty of all whites to “get their facts straight and advocate by taking effective actions like retweeting the real President of the United States, Hillary Clinton, or writing a letter to the editors of a little-read school newspaper.” Offering advice to prospective social justice warriors, Smith continued, “Your advocacy doesn’t even need to have a central argument. Simply cite a plethora of unrelated stats, especially sensationalist debunked stats like the wage gap or the 1 in 5 women myth and use overly verbose language, and you’ll be guaranteed to get at least one retweet, reblog, or share on social media, where the real fight for social justice is occurring.”

In particular, students have cited the SGA’s “It’s On Us” campaign as a major step towards defeating the scourge of campus sexual assault. According to senior Scott Queensley, “I had no clue I wasn’t allowed to do that until I saw the SGA video, though girls around campus don’t seem to like that I now begin every conversation with the phrase ‘I have no intentions of sexually assaulting you.’”

Other students had different reasons for applauding the SGA’s release of the video. “To be honest, I always thought 1 in 5 women were allergic to grapes,” said freshman Jack Goff, who is also dyslexic.

Critics of virtue signaling, however, claim this course of action accomplishes little. Campus conservative D.J. Podge tried to explain his criticism, but his words were drowned out by a chanting group of tolerant, masked protesters before being knocked unconscious by a blow from a bike lock. Answering for the incapacitated Podge, one of the masked protesters proclaimed, “Noncompliant opinions must be shamed and suppressed!”

Though many of the social justice woes plaguing the College show little sign of resolution in the near future, Crusaders campus-wide can share one thing in common: at least we feel good about ourselves.

Photo courtesy of Psychology Today

Categories: Eggplant

8 replies »

  1. 🙂

    Suicide Prevention Resource Center. 2008. Suicide Risk and Prevention for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth. Newton, MA: Education Development Center, Inc.

    Trans Student Education Resources. “ Why Trans People Need More Visibility.”

    NAACP. 2017. “Criminal Justice Fact Sheet.”

    National Partnership for Women & Families. 2017. “America’s Women and the Wage Gap.” National “Facts and Figures 99 to 1.” Institute for Policy Studies

    National Priorities Project. 2015. “Military Spending in the United States.”

    Wagner, Peter & Bernadette Rabuy. 2016. “Mass Incarceration: The Whole Pie 2016.” Prison Policy Initiative.

    Trans Student Education Resources. “ Why Trans People Need More Visibility.”

    Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN). 2015. “Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics.”

    Reuters. 2017. “U.S. Hate Crimes Up 20 Percent in 2016, Fueled by Election Campaign: Report.” NBC News.


  2. Hello Mr. Clue,

    Please learn how to properly leave links or embed them within a comment. It’s hard to have a proper intellectual discussion over text with an illiterate. Random assorted statistics do not make an argument. If you want, I can recommend you to some friends in the writer’s workshop; they might be able to help you salvage something of a central thesis to your thoughts.


  3. Dear Bill Dewahl,

    My apologies, I will have to learn to be more inclusive of those who do not even know how to type a title into a Google search engine. No worries, the lack of effort you put into informing yourself really shines through in all your writings as well as your abhorrent pseudonym. I’m sorry that the article didn’t spell it out better for you; essentially, your writing is trash and your humor capitalizes on the normalized disenfranchisement of various communities. I hope that clears everything up.


  4. Nice job getting worked up over satire. Oh no! It doesn’t apply to you! Would an article making fun of poor whites in West Virginia and how dumb and racist they are for supporting work out for you better? “West Virginians Can’t Find Trump Tower on Map Because of Incest” Ha. Ha. That’d be a hit! You should write that article since you know a ton about humor. Remember, it’s only offensive when it’s convenient for your agenda! XOXO


  5. i guess I’ll quit my prestigious job as a college newspaper satire writer. Gee willickers!


  6. Uh hi Get A Clue,

    I’d like to start out by saying I’m a victim of college rape and I 100% agreee with Bill here. Virtue signaling does nothing to end rape on campuses. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the people signing the ‘I promise not to rape people’ signs are not the ones that’s we have to worry about. Virtue signaling just makes good people feel better about themselves. Seeing an SGA video online isn’t going to deter a rapist from anything. It serves no purpose other than letting people who share the video rub it in other’s faces just who good and virtuous they are. If a rape victim can see how transparent the schools campaign against rape is, surely you can too.


  7. I think “Get A Clue” was simply pointing out that it’s better to build each other up than tear each other down. Why rag on people, especially communities on the fringes, that already go through shit all the time? Seems pretty ruthless and unkind to me. As for the “It’s On Us” Campaign, I think it’s powerful for us to stand as a community against a really important and traumatic issue. How many times have you heard a rape joke and not said anything? For most people, these jokes are just an uncomfortable sort of humor or something so problematic it makes you laugh. Yet, for sexual assaulters, it only makes them feel more valid and okay about their actions. The video, although hardly comprehensive in its advocacy approach, at least sent a signal that we as a COMMUNITY do not tolerate such horrific violations of others. The only “signal” I’m getting from Bill is that he’s a coward hiding behind a mean name. I think I know what his next article should be: “How to Be a Cyber-Jerk: An Anonymous Wimp Guide” Maybe if you came out of the shadows, you could actually have a constructive conversation with the people you hurt.


  8. I would say building a wall is constructive, but I digress. That’s actually a great idea for my next article; I hope you don’t mind if I run with it. I’m glad our “COMMUNITY” stands so firm against rape that it’s members feel it appropriate to tell tale victims, like the commenter above, that they’re wrong in their assessment of the campus rape culture. If it’s cowardly to hide behind a pen name, then I guess we should call Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, and James Madison cowards for publishing the Federalist Papers under “Publius”. I’ll admit, after the slew of violence against campus conservatives across the country this past year, most recently at Evergreen College in Washington, I am afraid to put my name to my works, lest I face violent reprisal. Even last year, a Lehy RA named Meg Johnston, though voicing what even I consider to be extreme views on the homosexual community, faced a disgusting amount of vandalism and threats over a Facebook comment. As a result of these threats, she was forced to transfer colleges. I do not wish to subject myself or my loved ones to such mistreatment over words. As such, due to the intellectual immaturity demonstrated by college students across the nation, including within our college’s own confines, I feel it neither safe nor prudent to reveal my real name beyond those who absolutely must know it. Besides, a surprising silent majority stands behind me on this camp.


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