An App Golden Age on the Hill

By Bill Dewahl, Has Games on His Phone

Over the past year, Holy Cross has proudly fostered technological ingenuity within the student populace, namely in the up-and-coming field of app development. Students across campus, often from the ranks of the computer science department, have engaged in app development to promulgate their personal beliefs and egos. As such, the Eggplant editing staff has forced me by threat of violence given me the honor of highlighting some of the more prominent Crusader-created apps.

iLuddite – Developed by Arthur Dwalo, a senior who claims he can type faster with his two pointer fingers, this app allows users to convert their smartphones into the classic Nokia layout. Dwalo created iLuddite to “simulate the childhood nostalgia of having to press the 7 button four times to get an ‘S’.” When questioned on how his app would behoove the campus community, Dwalo asserted, “Easy texting is yet another symptom of the do-nothing, participation trophy millennial generation, and we as a campus community need to remedy this complacency.” As of now there is no word on whether iLuddite will also give smartphones the same indestructibility for which Nokia has become famous.

26 Plus 6 – The Eggplant’s own John Buzzard developed this app, which provides users with up-to-date information on Irish culture, politics, and history. While this app contains some disconcerting nationalist undertones, its emphasis on Hibernian identity is sure to be a hit among Holy Cross’s large Irish-American community that is rumored to hit 100% on Saint Patrick’s Day.

Sit Down – This app, developed by Casper Sanderson, a junior with enigmatically neutral political leanings, seeks to provide a forum for students to sit down and rationally discuss political differences both online and in-person. According to Sanderson, “Students nowadays are far too obsessed with standing up and resisting without making a good faith effort to understand where the other side is coming from.” Moreover, Sanderson promised to never let his personal political biases affect the trajectory of his app, because forcing his opinions on the app’s users would “make [him] little better than the demagogues [his] app is attempting to counter.”

Shut Up! – Created by a Holy Cross student, who requested to be referenced by his anonymous online developer name PizzaGateCentipede1776, Shut Up hopes to provide an anonymous avenue for students to achieve the key Catholic virtue of humility. Within the app, students will be able to make anonymous posts that other students will be encouraged to degrade and mock to a preferably tasteless extent. When asked why he was essentially encouraging large-scale trolling against other students, Mr. PizzaGate angrily insisted it was his first amendment right, saying, “It’s more fun to force people to be mean to each other than to force them to be nice to each other. Why would I even try to make the latter app?” It is yet to be seen whether the ACLU will defend Shut Up against the inevitable Title IX complaints it will accrue.

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Categories: Eggplant

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